A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to put this exactly, and i don't know if it is all my own fault. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5months now, and i trust him utterly and completely, but recently, i have been having jealous feelings, towards him and my mate.It all started when i was talking to his best mate, who had been feeling a little left out as everyone out of my boyfriend's group of friends are all paired up as boyfriend/girlfriend and living together or married (my boyfriend is 22, i am 18). his best mate lives with his other two best mates who are married, so as you would guess, he gets bored very often! Anyway, to the point, i thought it would be fun to stitch him up with one of my single girlfriends, and although it was fun at first, i am starting to feel ... threatened and i don't know why. my best mate and his best mate are talking to each-other over Facebook, but my boyfriend's best mate ask's him for advice, and then my boyfriend ask's me, and i feel uncomfortable about him talking to me about what she likes and what she is like and things like that because i am unsure of whether i am comfortable with them being too pally or not. What has actually set me off is that she has now added my boyfriend on facebook (she adds everybodies boyfriend's, and has been known to date mine and my other mate's ex's)I am not a mad, over-clingy or anything-like-that, kind of girlfriend, but unfortunately something similar like this happened with my ex, so i don't know what to think, I'm so confused. i just can't go through what my ex did to me again with my boyfriend (who i am with now) because, i will literally turn into an unstable wreck of hormonal emotions.WHAT DO I DO!?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Behave and react in the same way and history will repeat itself. Sometimes we think too much, analyse too much and in the process we ruin things. Have a plan for your life that relies first and foremost on you meeting particular goals to meet your aims and targets. No one else has an obligation to make your life good. Your happiness is up to you. If you are expecting your man to provide the happiness in your life you may be disappointed. Sure someone you like in your life can be lovely, most of the time. But they should still have responsibility for their own life and happiness. Just as you have to do the same for yourself. You are threatened by shadows. Stressing and bitching about what might or could or may happen is such a waste of your time. People will often like a person, but not like some of their friends. I have known my best female friend since i was 4. My husband was once threatened by that because i would come home so happy from sharing lunch with her. Know he knows we are just on the same wave length, we are just friends. We share the same directions and aims in life. She had reservations about my husband, but now she would not have a bad word said against him. I am amazed that what is just normal life seems so out of kilter to you, when difference is normal. My husband has a male friend he went to school with. They are like brothers. They share jokes, phone calls. They jockey for position to cook on the BBQ. I regard it as normal and very healthy for people to have lots of platonic friends. The idea that all same sex friendships have to end in sex is utterly untrue and wrong. And it is true that a man can have a female friend where it will never end in sex. And vice a versa a woman can have a male friend who will only ever be a friend. It is repulsive to assume all such friendships will or have to end in sex. That is such a disgusting lie. People have to have a poor and limited grasp on real life if they think having sex with anyone who offers it is normal life. Millions of people have courteous happy friendships with all manner of interesting people , where it will never end in sex. I cannot imagine how cut adrift my husband would feel if something happened to his friendship with his friend from his school days. Sometimes we see something extra special in a person, but we can't stand one of their friends. We see things in different people. Life would be boring if everyone was a carbon copy of each other. I work with people. Some i like very much and respect their skills and love sharing lunch with them, others i tolerate, and interact courteously and professionally with them, but feel i have not much in common with some of them, because i sense something that tells me i have reservations. We cant like everyone, and we should not try. That's normal, accept it. If you lose a boyfriend or any friend because they cheat on you, treat you badly, or unfairly, or lie to you, then they have done you a favor. Because they have shown by their actions that they are not worthy nor honorable enough to be your friend. If a boyfriend cheats on you, say thank you. Because he's saved you years of pain and unhappiness by behaving like an idiot and a fool, early enough in the relationship for you to know you need to move on to friends who treat you better than that. I am amazed that Facebook figures so high and significant in your estimation. Facebook is shallow, inane, false, puerile and immature rubbish. It's just text and pictures on a computer screen. It even suggests you connect with people you have never met. That is not friendship, its just so lame and silly. It will be wonderful when people realise they waste time on facebook when they could be living a better life without facebook. The so called friends are nothing more than people you hardly know. People would do far better to sit down in person and share a cup of coffee with a person and find out what really makes someone tick.
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