A
female
age
30-35,
*palescent
writes:Hello Aunts! I am sort of in a sticky situation and I am trying to figure out what to do. Any advice would help me greatly! I have been with my boyfriend Andy for almost 8 months. I am 21 and he is 20. We both attend the same University and spend a good amount of time together each week, however I (usually) still spend an equal amount of time with my friends. I can honestly say that I love him and I care about him very much. He treats me like a queen and I am very happy being with him. My problem is this...I am worried that I am getting myself too in over my head with him, or attached. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy every minute we spend together but lately I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with him and I feel as though I am not only pushing my friends aside but my studies as well. He is comfortable spending part of every day together and I am wondering if maybe this is unhealthy. Its almost as if I am getting comfortable spending every day together too, and I dont want our relationship to turn to us HAVING to be together all of the time. I have noticed that his friends dont invite him to hang out as much as they used to and I cant help but feel as if its my fault. I do not want him to lose his friends, and I will absolulty not lose mine. I guess what I am seeking advice on is a way for me to spend more time on me, yet still be invested into the relationship. I dont want to be obsessed with him and every move he makes yet I want a healthy relationship and that is hard for me to do. Over the past 8 months I have also noticed that I have become a little more jealous of certain things. He would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me, but little things that never bothered me before are starting to bother me. What I am ultimately afraid of is him wondering why I dont want to spend as much time together anymore or why I am with my friends more than I have been, and him changing his behavior and acting distant. He tends to be a little insecure at times but its not much of a problem...yet. I dont want to hurt him. He is so good to me and it makes me a little sad to even have to ask for advice on this situation but something absoultly has to be done if I want us to work out. Does anyone have any advice or similar situations that might help me become less attached to him? Thank you in advance and I really appreciate any help I can get!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): I'm not sure from your message whether there is a real problem here! It's quite normal, indeed healthy, for a good relationship to go from 'seeing each other occasionally' to 'hanging out a whole lot more'. There comes a point where you start to do stuff together - so your friends stop being 'his' and 'hers' and start being 'ours'. It's part of being more committed to each other. However, there comes a point where you cross a line into 'we see each other and no-one else'. This is NOT healthy! You need to keep with a good social life together, and stay in touch with friends. In particular, you need to keep with your studies, because that's your future, right there! Here's what I suggest: schedule some time each day for you both to study - together. Go to the library or one another's rooms and sit there for 3-4 hours, and work properly (not messing around - heads down time)! Then, spend time hanging with friends, shopping, and doing the stuff you enjoy doing. Pursue hobbies and interests together - make sure you join societies that you care about, and do activities that you both feel happy doing. Have an evening a week where you do your own things, but the rest of the time, enjoy the healthy mingling of your two friendship groups.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Ask him what he thinks and tell him what your goals are. Otherwise, it will seem like you suddenly lost interest, and then he will also suddenly lose interest in you. Communicate, don't create distrust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): Set times to meet him. Spend time with him for a few hours once every two days.
Spend time with your friends on the other day.
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