A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello,really bothered about this. My bf and I have been dating for barely one month now. he told me about his ex who he dated for about two years but said he is no longer interested in her because her dad doesn't seem to like him and some other reasons .I have noticed that his ex is still very much interested in my bf and wants the relationship back. She has also been visiting his parents even after the break up. Though my bf says he has warned her to stop visiting.Another big issue here is that my bf parents want him to get married to this ex gf .Though I have not met his parents, yet. he seems confused and worried because of what his parents want .he's 31 yes .please what can I do about this .what's the best advice you can give to me? i love him so much and don't wish to lose him. thanks .
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much Wiseone . but I'm not attached to him because of sex. we have not had sex .
thanks all
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (10 February 2015):
 OP, I think you need to accept this isn't love and he didn't make a clean break from his ex. She can stay friends/acquaintances with his parents with little or no trouble, but she's not because he didn't break up with a definite "we are never getting back together", which is why you shouldn't consider being with him again.
He's 31 and should know better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): Your original post was about all the intrusions people are making on a budding relationship between you and your guy.
By the time a man is 31, his parents have very little to say about what he does with his life. They can like his ex all they want; but they aren't the ones who have to marry her. She is playing on their affection for her; hoping they will nag him into taking her back. So, go ahead! Sit and gloat over him all you like. He's not totally available.
He isn't using as much effort as he should (or could) to distance himself from his ex; because he's not sure how he feels about her. He's still getting over her.
Again, you've fallen too hard too soon. That's how a fool's heart gets broken.
You've totally attached feelings, because of sex; and he could have been totally on the rebound. Now he's using his ex and meddling parents as an obstacle between the two of you. It's too soon, and his life is too complicated for a new girlfriend. You can't stop his ex-girlfriend from interfering if he can't!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much. I think I'm really gonna tell him to go sort himself out with his parents and ex while we stay friends only. But we are school mates. Don't know how I'm gonna cope seeing him around me and remembering the few times we have had romantic moments together. We haven't had sex though.
Any advice on how to handle this please?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): Dear OP,your bf doesn't have a right to tell his ex OR his parents what to do or not do. They are all grown ups and may decide to continue to meet up and be friends should they wish to remain friends.I mean the ex has built up a relationship with the parents and if it's mutual (which it seems to be), she may not wanna let go of that. It's two years of her life (and theirs) and how they handle that stuff between them is up to them.We only have one life.EQUALLY though:-His parents have NO business telling him who he should/ shouldn't love-His EX (I mean EX!) really shouldn't interfere with YOUR love life (i.e. bf and you)She is an ex. He left her. I presume that's a pretty big neon sign saying that he doesn't wanna spend his life with her or get married to her.BUT (very important!): you know your bf (I and everyone else on this forum doesn't):Is he the type to be easily influenced by other people's opinion? Does he succumb to pressure? Does he still live with his family/parents? Does he listen and "obey" his parents' wishes?IF the answer is yes: then I'd say run for the hills!Love,The Nonny
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): Don't get too attached. He has unresolved issues with his ex and he allows his parents to interfere in his love-life. This will always be a complication in your budding relationship, and his ex knows it. His parents don't know how to mind their own business. You have a big problem when a 31 year-old man has no control over his own life.
There is nothing you can do about it. If he doesn't know how to set everyone straight about the fact he has no intention of marrying someone he doesn't love anymore; you're just there to catch all the fallout. His ex is obviously the star of this drama.
I'm going to also address an issue you didn't ask about.
Don't fall so deeply so soon in a relationship. You are "in-love" with someone you've dated for barely a month? You hardly know the guy, and he's obviously fresh out of a breakup. It's too soon for him to be committing to a new relationship. His ex circling overhead like a vulture is proof of it. You've walked into big drama.
You want to avoid major heartache? Back-off until he has his parents out of his business; and ex-girlfriend situation totally resolved. You're standing on the railroad tracks in-front of an oncoming train.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2015): barely one month, and you love him already "too much" is time for you to sit back and reevaluate this relationship and know if it is love, and if he loves you like you feel you love him, why is he confused about his choices, dont rush into anything, give the relationship time and see were things go
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (10 February 2015):
You don't know him after one month as a couple, let alone love him, Hun :/ it's infatuation with what you know of him so far.
If she won't stop and his parents want him to be with her - your best bet is to break up now; there's too much baggage here.
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