A
male
age
30-35,
*RPA
writes:Hey,My girlfriend (21)and I (18) have been dating for a month now. We've tried to have sex but its a no go. She has had bad experiences in the past with inconsiderate guys and now thinks she has some sort of condition where she cant have sex and she has to do certain things in order to get "it" back, like some sort of ... bad luck omen :s. Ive already made sure this isn't some clever ploy to avoid a sexual relationship, she really does want it we really have a love for each other , but she has this mental block. How can I help her through it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 March 2008):
Hmm it seems like me she needs to work through her issues. You are being as supportive as you can but she needs more then that, she needs to talk to a professional to work through the emotional trauma that she went through from being used and abused. After she has dealt with that, being comfortable enough to sex with you could very much happen.
A
male
reader, MRPA +, writes (16 March 2008):
MRPA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit's not like she got raped or sexually assaulted or anythingshe's just had bad experiences with people who didn't really care about her... they just sort of used her. she knows i'm not like that but she thinks she'll some how mess things up .. like its her fault or something?I always give her massages and other then having sex we are totally comfortable with eachother. I also told her its no big deal that we dont have to have sex until she feels she is comfortable but she follows that up by saying I don't deserve this and that I should see someone else who can have sex with me. I told her i don't want anyone else.... it's not all about sex.. i don't know what else to sayit seems like i'm just rambling on
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A
female
reader, korculan queen +, writes (16 March 2008):
First of all what sort of issues/trauma is she dealing with? Has she had a history of child sexual assault? Has she been raped by these inconsiderate guys? You will need to ascertain all this in order to UNDERSTAND HER. If you are committed to her and not just wanting sex then no pressure would really help her? Have you tried giving her a relaxing foot massage followed by a neck massage? If you gain her trust through these loving gestures then she may relax a little bit to be allowed to TRUST YOU. She may love you but if she has had traumatic experiences then she may see any advance by you as further compounding to her perception of further trauma. Once she is relaxed enough with you following the foot massage and neck massage, go for a relaxing back massage and when things are comfortable enough when you go down there trace the alphabet IN CAPITALS with your tongue on her clit and by the time you get to O SHE will be going oh yeah. But seriously this girl needs time and needs a considerate affectionate trustworthy capable lover. If this is you then step up to the plate boy. Encourage her to receive some sexual assault counselling if these techniques do not work or if she is really struggling.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (16 March 2008):
I agree with Double M. Thats all you can do really. If she has some sort of mental blcok or whatever it sounds like she may need to speak to a professional?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Tolerance. Kindness. Patience. Consideration. Love.
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