A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Three months ago my boyfriend confessed to cheating on me with a classmate for over a month. Since then, we have been trying very hard to work things out between us. In an attempt to be completely open with me he has encouraged me to check his internet history because he says that he has nothing to hide. I did for about the span of a month. At first I saw a fair amount of porn links, which I'm not bothered at all about, but their appearance gradually disappeared. I made a comment about their disappearance and he confessed to viewing them in an "incognito" browser window. Why did he tell me that he was okay with being open about his internet use when he clearly wasn't? And how can I help him feel more comfortable with sharing this aspect of his sexual nature?He also was checking up on the girl he cheated on me with on facebook and watching videos from her twitter. I've told him that it bothers me, and he says that he feels bad for her since he got her hopes up for a future together. I don't want to be the bitchy, controlling girlfriend, but quite frankly I could care less for her crushed "dreams" she had while she knowingly involving herself with a taken man and I just want to forget that she exists. Am I being uncaring?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): He sounds a bit inadequate...and you are not the doctor.
It sounds like you are young, unmarried, no mortgage, no kids, why are you settling for second best? That's the issue you need to consider.
People are imperfect and make mistakes, but do you want to spend your life strapped to a man who is this weak?
Think about it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 May 2010):
Dump him immediately. He's still got something for her if he's looking at her twitter posts and watching her videos. He says he feels bad for her. I say he's a cheating liar who still wants her. He's also being sneaky about how he views things in the internet, which means that he's still got a few things to hide. You've taken enough from this guy, and he's not doing a thing to try and make it better. You can do much better than him, and you need to. Get rid of him. A man who loves you won't do this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): not at all!! i would be the same who cares about her, like you said she knew he was taken and knew the consequences.i was in a relationship like this he would say i can look at his internet and phone then gradually he was bieng secretive again. i realised that relationships should not be like this and got out now im with a guy who doesnt lie to me is never secretive and involves me in every aspect of his life. also im not being horrible but for over a month he cheated on you a loving boyfriend would not do this you need to think long and hard what it is you want from a relationship as my mum would say there are plenty of fish in the sea.x
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