A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a man of 21, and I've got a good friend, who is a female. She's a nice, pretty and desirable girl. We first met and became friends over two years ago, when she started dating a guy I knew. They broke up over a year ago, and he has since moved back to where he lives, far away from this university. She also dated another guy after him for a while, and broke up with him about two or three months ago. She was also the one who introduced me to my last ex-girlfriend, and she is my ex's housemate, but my ex has moved on very quickly since we broke up six months ago. Basically, until recently, we'd both been in relationships at varying points, so I never came to think of her as more than just my friend until recently. Obviously, this means that I come from a friendzone background. In the past two or three months, I am becoming increasingly attracted to this friend of mine. She really "gets me" in a way that most women don't, and she's got a good personality that I can relate to. She's totally comfortable talking about sex to me, and she shows me a lot of affection, always greeting me with a hug. She does other stuff that shows she enjoys being physically close to me, like a few days ago when she pulled my arm around herself unprompted as I walked her home the other night. Once or twice, she has also made passing comments that I'm a handsome guy.The thing is, I can't figure out if there might be something more there. A couple of friends (who don't know her so well) noted recently that we look really close in a lot of our photos. Anyway, we went out the other night to a club with a couple of her friends. We got pretty drunk and were dancing to some metal for ages. In this time we started dancing pretty dirty, and it was fun. At a few points in the evening she seemed happy when I rescued her from random drunk guys who were trying to grind against her, but she was happy to do the same with me. We've texted a lot and she's signed off chats on messenger with stuff like "Love you 3". From most girls, this would pretty much be a green light, but I can't really categorise because she's really very affectionate to her friends, and I know she talks to her closest female friends like that. A few guys have misinterpreted her as coming on to them, and end up getting confused when she rejects them. But I dunno, I get the feeling that small amounts of sexual tension are starting to appear, I just don't know whether that's wishful thinking on my part or if it really is mutual. If you haven't already figured it out, I second-guess myself a lot! lolSo onto the questions. Based on what I've told you, do you think that she might like me a little more than as a friend? Am I just a classic case of being stuck in the friendzone? Is it actually worth risking my friendship to try kissing her or asking her about her feelings? If I did actually try to kiss her or whatever and she rejected me, would it be hard to smooth that episode over? Should I just try and forget about trying anything with her and go find somebody else? Any way I can test the waters?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI gave it a shot last night. I went to visit her after she invited me up to her place. We were sitting around, watching a movie and drinking wine on her bed. She was talking about how she's confused about some prettyboy who she has known for a while but only just started liking after making out with him recently (long story, can't be bothered to elaborate) and I told her something like "Yeah, it's weird when that happens. You know, dude, I've started to find myself becoming attracted to you." She wasn't sure what to say. She went really quiet for a while and gave me a hug. I can't remember everything she said, but she was talking about how things could have been in a different time - curious as to how things would have been if we had both been single when we met. She also said how she felt a little tinge of jealousy and protectiveness towards me when I got together with her friend over a year ago. She didn't say that she's not attracted to me at all (didn't really say anything on that topic, but it's safe to say that if she did like me in that way, she would have said she was also into me if I said it ), but the implication was that she would rather stay as friends, something that I'm finding myself agreeing with.
Anyway, I ended up sleeping at hers, in her bed. We hugged most the night, and I oddly didn't really feel sexual or romantic towards her in this time; I just enjoyed the mutual affection. I suppose that's a sign that I'm getting over it now I got it off my chest. We sat around and talked more this morning, and had a sandwich in town. It wasn't weird or awkward at any point and our friendship is exactly the same, so ultimately I'm glad we've talked about it.
In brief: I liked her, found out that she wasn't that interested in going more-than-friends with me. I felt better for having talked about it. We're still close friends.
Advice to any guy in the friendzone: Tell her you like her. Do it. You'll probably never know what she is thinking otherwise, and if she's worth being your friend in the first place, she'll understand and you'll get over it. Unless if you do something like confess your undying love, then you'll probably screw it all up, lol.
Cheers, guys!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009): Hi. This reminds me of a situation I was in a couple of years ago. She was my best friend, we were always going out for drinks, going to the cinema etc. She started acting pretty much the same way as you are describing towards me. She kept dropping hints, holding my hand etc. To be honest, I fancied her and wanted a relationship and mutual friends told me she wanted the same but was waiting me to make the move. You know what? I never made the move as I was afraid of what would happen to our friendship if it all went wrong. But I loved her and still do but now we aren't the friends we used to be because she thinks I rejected her. I regret not making the move everyday.
My advice to you is if you feel the same way about her then what are you waiting for? I'm not saying just grab her and kiss her, I'm saying talk to her about it. Ask her how she feels. Another way to go about it is, for example, when she signs off chat with "I love you" say "I love you too" or when she makes the comments about you being handsome, reply with "and you're a beautiful girl" or something to that effect. I wish I had done the same thing! Let us know how you get on.
GO FOR IT!
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