A
female
age
36-40,
*olanlly
writes:Hello this is my first time posting in this website, I enjoy reading all the responses and questions which come up in the site. I guess now it's my turn. :) I will try to keep a long story short.I am 29 years old and my husband is 37. We have been married 3 years and together total 7 years. We have 1 daughter together. So he blocked me completely from his social media( Facebook, Instagram). He has been adding hundreds of pretty girls and women mostly from other countries as friends, and is constantly liking their pictures and telling them how beautiful they are. To the point that we at times don't spend any time together. He says that I shouldn't be worried because "Facebook is a fantasy life and it is not real". He is constantly taking pictures of himself and posting them to see how many of those girls like it. He does have in his profile that he is Married and posts pictures of our daughter but not of me. Is he ashamed of me? I have literally begged him to modify what he is doing on Facebook and his response is that he wants to be Facebook famous and have 5000 friends. At what point should I worry about what his intentions are on Facebook.
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (19 January 2016):
 Wanting FB stardom really...Sorry but hubby sounds more like 17 than 37. Just not on. Ask him this would he rather stardom or a wife? His attitude as well as behaviour is enough for you to be worried NOW. He is flirty, disrespectful and fantasy becomes reality real soon. Chances are he'll take it all underground so the problem will still be there just more of the unknown for you to stress about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): My jaw dropped when you asked the question of how to regain your husband's trust, to be added back as a friend?!!!
You're his wife! You see him each and everyday! You have a child together. Ciar questioned your husband's maturity level. I have to question yours? You just don't seem to realize how disrespectful and blatantly insensitive your husband is! You are totally aware of him collecting Facebook and Instagram pictures of other women, and hiding his communication with them. Yet you want to figure out how to please him? To be his friend?
Seriously?!!
Your husband is not only collecting pictures and hiding his conversations; he's cheating on you. It's cheating to be exchanging flirtations with other women when you have a wife. It is belittling who she is and placing her in the category of a maid or household pet, when she is set aside like a possession or a part-time employee. He doesn't want you to know what is going on between him and those females, and you are far too naive about all this.
Well, I guess you'll have to catch him cheating to realize that fantasies eventually become realities when men are flirting with other women. I think you idolize your husband and he knows it. He does whatever he pleases and knows you are so emotionally-dependent on him, you subordinate yourself to his wishes and place yourself beneath him.
You don't see yourself as his equal. Therefore; he flirts with other women without a care in the world. So if you think it's restricted to just Facebook and Instagram, you had better prepare yourself for a big reality. It's going to hit you pretty hard to discover the truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 January 2016):
 Is there a way for YOU to regain HIS trust? HIS trust? Seriously??
OP, have you ever encountered something that was so WRONG for so many reasons and you were so incredulous that you were at a loss as to where to begin? Well, I'm having one of those moments right now.
I'd be very concerned about your husband's maturity level for starters. He wants to be Facebook famous? This is his life's ambition? To be famous via Facebook? Facebook??
OP, I'm afraid this is going nowhere. A partnership needs a solid foundation on which to grow and I'm afraid your husband is far from being a solid person.
The only sensible advice I can offer you is to stop complaining to your husband and quietly start forming your exit strategy. You don't have to dump him this minute (or ever for that matter) but I suggest you secretly speak to an attorney and get your ducks in a row.
You have really got to open your eyes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): I would be very concerned. He has blocked you and feels that flirting on-line with woman is appropriate for a married man. You and your child should be his top priority, not collecting strange woman as friends. He should be telling you how beautiful you are, not them.
I wouldn't tolerate his behavior or his excuses, it is wrong and he is showing no respect for you or your marriage.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): You are a very passive individual apparently. A married man should not be collecting pictures of other women for any reason. He should respect his wife's feelings, and if he is that active flirting on the internet; it is likely he is doing it in real-time as well. He's doing it because you offer him no consequences and haven't taken any kind of stance.
This calls for you to be assertive and it's about time you put your foot down. You'll have to tell him that you don't appreciate that he carries on some "fantasy life" when he has a wife and daughter. You don't appreciate that he blocks you like a stranger; and most of all, you don't appreciate his disrespect for you as his wife. He has blocked you because he is communicating with women behind your back; and isn't giving you access to any of his behind the scenes flirtations. All you see are the pictures.
You had better see this for what it is. Your man is a flirt, and he is doing more than collecting Facebook friends. He's making contact with other women. You want to change the behavior, then offer him a divorce. He needs an ultimatum and you need to make him take you seriously. You're otherwise sharing your husband with other women. You don't get to read his comments to those women, nor their responses. If it was all innocent, he wouldn't block his own wife from access.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 January 2016):
 Your husband sounds like self centered cad. He BLOCKED you? why exactly?
It seems like what HE wants is more important that how it makes you feel. So I guess you need to reevaluate what you REALLY get out of this marriage?
You don't spend time with him, he is more busy living a fantasy life than being a husband and father. Seriously posting pictures of his kid on social media does NOT make him a GOOD parent.
You ask the question, is he ashamed of me? When you really should ask WHY the FRIG-FRAK am I still with him!?
If that was MY husband, I'd think I'd rather be a single parent then being tied down to a guy in his LATE 30's acting like he is a teenager.
Your BF, I think, is so addicted to attention and apparently thinks that the more "facebook-friends" he has the more popular he is... The thing is... I could understand that if he was a teenager... but a GROWN ASS man in his 30's? Seriously? That is so stunted!
I think his Facebook admiration is not about physically cheating on you, it's escapism into a fantasy world where he is David Beckham surrounded by thousands of hot chicks... Unfortunately he doesn't seem to grasp that he is more likely perceived as Ron Jeremy - an aging pornstar who takes himself a little to serious.
My husband is active on Facebook (I'm not) but... it's not all-consuming to him, he ONLY have people on there he KNOWS in real life and he has nothing to hide and is NOT acting inappropriate and immature like your BF. So it doesn't bother me at all.
Why you put up with that crap, I don't know.
...............................
A
female
reader, SmartiePants007 +, writes (18 January 2016):
You should be worried right about now. Your husband should not be blocking you on facebook and adding a tonne of women on his page, that's disrespectful to you. The comments he is making on other womens' pictures is completely inappropriate. You need to talk to him or confront him about this fantasy of his. You need to give him an ultimatum, it's either facebook or you. One day he is going to make his facebook fantasy a reality, so you need to put a stop to this now.
...............................
A
female
reader, Solanlly +, writes (18 January 2016):
Solanlly is verified as being by the original poster of the question You Are definitely right about that /sageoldguy1465. Lol.. The thing is he didn't do any of that until 1year into our marriage. A after I started to confront him about what he was doing that's when he blocked me. He says he doesn't want me to get upset over "fantasy life". Is there a way to regain his trust so he can add me back as his friend.?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2016):
 Sometime before three years ago would have been correct....
Good luck...
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 January 2016):
Sometime before three years ago would have been correct....
Good luck...
...............................
|
