A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A guy that I've known for many years, thru mutual friends and projects, started pursuing me this last month. Now we've seen each other three times and this week had sex. If it was a new person I would feel differently but because of our history I don't think we've moved too too fast.In new relationships I've learned to let the guy lead. I've been heartbroken so many times when I didn't because they lost interest etc so I hold back.But at what point can I start just calling him to talk or asking him to do things? I feel confused :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Beyond one text just saying 'hi how are things' I would do no more. If a guy wants to see you he will text and you just have to hold your nerve. Generally men don't need a nudge, and you don't want to show your cards too soon.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 November 2011):
 It depends what kind of guy he is and if he is confident and likes the 'hunt' or if he is shy and needs lots of reassurance. If you have known him for a while you probably have a good idea which he is.
He could be a guy whos a bit lazy about being in touch or if he's really keen you can most likely sit back and let him do all the work.
Despite knowing him for so long, you have ploughed into sex maybe a little too soon. It would probably have been better to have sat back, let him court you and see how he is at the beginning before jumping in the sack with him.
Women always seem to make the mistake of thinking having sex with a guy will draw them closer. Unless the guy is head over heels and practically stalking you, its unwise to assume that having sex will keep him interested, in fact for most men, once they have 'conquered' they like to put some serious distance between you and them incase you get carried away and try to trap them.
I would definitely let him take the lead. If he texts and calls you, be relaxed and friendly. You need to let him feel that everything is just fine, even though you might be turning summersaults in your mind and fretting and worrying...if he smells fear, he's gonna run.
If he doesn't contact you for a few days (three or more) drop him a text to say hi. Some men are a little forgetful or dense and might need a gentle nudge but basically if he is 'into' you and wants to date you again...he WILL call you!!
As for the sex issue, it's a little late for being coy, but don't allow him to use you just for that (it can become a very bad habit)If he isn't calling and dating and giving you attention then he is a very unsuitable bedfellow.
Learn from your previous lessons, let this be the one guy you do things with differently...and just see what happens.
If you feel emotional or upset have your best girl friend on speed dial.
xxx good luck
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Has he not called you since? How long has it been? I would leave it a few days, but if he does not text you that is not a good sign :( How long would you normally leave it between talking to one another?
It could be that he is waiting for you to take the lead the same way you are waiting for him to do it, so if he does not text you in a day or two then send him a light hearted text saying something like 'Hey hun, how are you doing?' or words to such effect.
Hope this works out for you!!!!!!
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