A
female
age
41-50,
*coldfeet
writes:I am engaged to a really great hardworking man, we are from different cultures which means there has been a lot of learning in the relationship about how we each do things, what’s expected of each other and so on, some of those expectations we needed to learned happened in the bedroom, which in all the newness the sex was fine great even but now,,, well now it isn't always something I look forward to. For one thing I always liked a bit of role playing and he just doesn't get it, I don't like the way he kisses, to aggressive, or to soft never in sync and I know you'll say just tell him well I have and it doesn't help and how many times can you tell someone before it really hurts them, also his penis is in my experience on the super small size, I know a man is more then there member as I am more than the size of my chest but I find myself fantasizing about "just one more time with a more well endowed ex” Possibly this sounds a little like an ex smoker or alcoholic just one last smoke, drink etc which never is one, I know... Are all these doubts to be expected when the non marrying type enters into this whole rest of your life commitment or should I put this whole thing on hold until I get therapy?
View related questions:
alcoholic, engaged, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): Why did you say yes to him if you had all of these thoughts to begin with. I'm thinking from the sounds of it, you want out. To be fair to him maybe you should just pull out all together so he can find someone who is hapy with him and not thinking of someone else.
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Doubts and cold feet are normal, and in fact good -- it's a sign that you take the commitment seriously.
I can see this going either way. You go ahead and get married, you settle in to the task of making a life together, and the little things that bug you now fade into insignificance.
Or -- today's minor irritants, over time, become huge issues that you simply can no longer live with.
Reading between the lines, I get the impression that maybe you're settling for what you've got. You said "hardworking", but you never mentioned "love." And cultural differences can be tough. My suggestion would be to find a good counsellor and see them (alone) for a few sessions until you're a bit more confident in your decision.
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): hello,
if you are having these doubts now, then theres no point in you getting married, for a marriage to work you have to be happy with every single part of life and that includes sex life. I know i couldnt marry a man if his penis wasnt as big as what i wanted...that may sound shallow...but lifes to short to be unhappy!!
...............................
|
