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Are there men who voluntarily don't look at pornography?

Tagged as: Dating, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2013) 13 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Is there any women here whose boyfriend/husband doesn't look at porn? If they don't do you know for sure?

Where did you find them?

Did you have to tell them to stop?

Are there any men here who don't use it in a relationship?

If they don't use it because they don't have a computer because that doesn't count. I want to know about the men who have willingly lost interest/gave it up of their own accord.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013):

Erotic stories - no problem with them whatsoever, text on a page, not a depiction of a real person who exists. Porn is the only erotica I have a problem with and sadly it's the most popular.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2013):

One of my exes didn't really like porn videos or pictures because the found them a bit (his words) "like an anatomy lesson" but he did like to read erotic stories - so I don't know if that counts.

I have been out with several men who didn't seem to be into hardcore porn, but still enjoyed looking at topless pictures or bikini shots of celebrities. The first boyfriend I had was into really very hardcore stuff and not ashamed about sharing it, so when I started dating men who were happy with just moderately naughty pictures I didn't really believe them for a while because it's not what I was used to! there are definetly a lot of men who find hardcore porn "too much" even if they like the softer stuff.

Most people, including women, I think enjoy erotic imagery of some kind, at least occasionally, even if they don't consider it to be porn in the strictest sense.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2013):

Hi there,

"Is there any women here whose boyfriend/husband doesn't look at porn?"

My husband doesn't.

"If they don't do you know for sure?"

I'm pretty sure he doesn't. We share a computer and I have never found anything on it. We are also together 24 hours a day (both work from home)so I don't know when he would find the time.

"Where did you find them?"

We met at an anxiety support group.

"Did you have to tell them to stop?"

No. He was never really interested in it. The only problem is that he doesn't seem very interested in sex either, lol. He has aspergers syndrome. I don't know if that makes any difference or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013):

I guess some women are just lucky then not sure if my boyfriend had of stopped if I hadn't told him. I still think he didn't stop because he finds them more attractive than me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013):

I believe there are VERY few men who don't use it at least occasionally while in a relationship/marriage.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, and together for 4 years.

For the entire first year, he used it about once a week, and cut back to once a month after we got married. I didn't ask him to, but he told me he wanted to. Then, he wound up wanting to give it up all together, because he started to realize he was needing to watch more "hardcore" material. The normal stuff wasn't exciting to him anymore. He felt ashamed of some of the things he'd watched, so he wanted to just stop watching it.

He came to me for advice, and I agreed to help him. I set up a guest account on his laptop, and he left me in charge of the main account. I reset the password so he was locked out, and then I set up parental controls on the guest account.

That way, if he tried to look up porn, he was blocked. After about 3 months, I gave him the password to the main account, and he deleted the guest account. By this time, he felt pretty confident he was able to get on the computer without being tempted to look at porn. Also, neither of us had internet access on our phones, so I know for those entire 3 months, he was "clean".

As far as I know, he hasn't looked at it since. This was July of 2010. Now, don't hold me to that, because there is no way I can know for sure. It's way too easy to hide porn use. All you have to do is erase the internet history and cookies, which takes like 2 seconds. Or, just use private browser. All I have is his word, and I choose to trust him.

You will have to do the same if you get in a relationship with a guy, and he tells you he doesn't use it.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (12 February 2013):

person12345 agony auntMy bf doesn't. He was the one who suggested neither of us do it at the beginning of our relationship. He watched a bit in high school, but he's not that visual a person to begin with and he didn't like the way it felt. So he never got in the habit.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013):

My boyfriend used to watch before me but now doesn't, and said he likes how I have such a positive impact on him. However *I* watch porn occassionaly, very rarely compared to when i was single but i still do and he knows about it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2013):

I don't watch porn at all I have a very attractive girlfriend and we have a great sex life. Don't get me wrong when I was single I watched it quite a bit but since I have been with my girl I don't need to she's enough for me.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 February 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntAs far as I know my first husband did not look at porn and probably still does not. I may be wrong. If he did he kept it very very quiet. We never even talked about it.

IF I did not ask my current husband I would never know he looks... it has no impact on me.... except when he watches it and comes to bed to find me to love on me instead of taking care of himself.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (11 February 2013):

Yos agony auntYes there is a small but growing number of men that don't use porn. This is because some men are realizing that using porn has harmful effects and want to avoid these. These effects can range widely: things like lack of interest in 'real' women, difficulty with intimacy during sex, depression, social anxiety, problems getting an erection without porn (ie with a real woman), problems achieving orgasm, low motivation, lack of energy, etc.

This website describes this in detail, as well as many many stories from men who have stopped or are trying to stop porn:

yourbrainonporn.com

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A female reader, ihavetoomanythoughts Australia +, writes (11 February 2013):

ihavetoomanythoughts agony auntHow much does pornography use by your SO affect you?

If it's really important to you, you're better off finding someone who shares your views of not watching pornography because trying to change someone from a porn user to a non-user is pretty difficult and maybe a little unfair to them. Before you get too deep into a relationship, maybe you should ask your partner that question first. Better you find out early before becoming too committed. That way, you also have more time to find the right person for you.

Coincidentally, another anonymous user of your age group and from your country posed a question about pornography use by her SO about 2 days ago. A lot of the agony aunts and uncles who replied seemed to think that the bf was using porn behind the OP's back. Some even suggested that demanding he cease watching porn to be a futile exercise.

If you can't change him (usually you can't, and it's not really the right thing to do by him anyway) and you can't stand him, then leave him.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (11 February 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYes.... there is some boyfriend/husband who doesn't watch porn.....

There is ALSO a giant monster who lives in Loch Ness, in Scotland.....

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A female reader, ihavetoomanythoughts Australia +, writes (11 February 2013):

ihavetoomanythoughts agony auntI have a man who used to watch porn but he hasn't since we've been together. I know for sure because I have asked him. I found this man at a university. I didn't tell him to stop, in fact, I told him I'm more than OK if he wants to watch porn and would even be interested in watching with him. He just doesn't want to because he thinks he doesn't need it now, that he would be disrespecting me, and that if I watched it with him, I would be scarred for life.

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