A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear AllFirstly, thanks for reading this.I was just wondering, partly inspired by past experiences but also mostly just out of curiosity.Do you think people are ever really just "Not looking for a relationship"?I'm the type of person that would always be happy to start a relationship if the right person came along, so i always considered that to be "i'm not looking for a relationship with YOU" rather than being more generally not looking for one at all.Recently i met a girl and fell for her and i really felt she was falling for me, everything was going like a dream, until one day she totally changed almost over night or at most a few days. she deleted her account on the dating site we met on (yes, i know online isn't great but it widened my options as i live in a very small town (200 people)). and since then only seems to socialise with girls. Her friends tell me that she decided she doesn't want a relationship as she is moving away soon (5 hours away as opposed to 1 hour) and there is no one else.for a while i was totally depressed but i feel alright now. They said that maybe she liked me but once she realised she was moving away didn't want to feel any stronger so stopped contacting me. but they did also say she didn't really open up and tell them everything. but i was wondering if there is ever any truth in that? or is it just a way to protect people's feelings as it's nicer than saying "I don't like you"?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): Some people try, to see if a relationship, can happen, but even after a couple months, some just walk away, in other words, you wasn't what they were looking for, an they lead you on, like you two was great together, they don't care about your feelings, an they have baggage, you didn't know about, that goes for women an men, what sucks is they break your heart, its to bad that,because, some one will do it to them one day, an you won't see it happen, good luck
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 January 2016):
 Yes, I think some are not.
I know after I had a very messed up relationship where awful things happened, I wasn't ready to date for a LONG time after. And I even MET a couple of guy who were decent fellas and who (who knows?) might have been good matches for me, but I keep guys at a distance. Male friends where fine, but if there was any inkling that the guy wasn't looking for friendship but more, I'd back off real fast.
So maybe she has some baggage she hasn't finished dealing with, or... she isn't willing to attempt a LDR, so breaking off now, rather then AFTER a messy attempt of a LDR, might be the reason.
I know it sucks, but if her heart isn't in it, there isn't anything you can do. And in this case, I doubt YOU did/said anything wrong. She just decided what SHE felt was right for HER.
Whatever her reason, you and her... weren't a match long term and THAT is that.
Chin up.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (15 January 2016):
Most men are not looking for a relationship, they are looking for sex. Most women are not looking for sex, they are looking for a relationship. This is why each sex is typically the gatekeeper of what the other is looking for. Just a truth that has ensured to success of the species.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 January 2016):
 People may steer away from a burgeoning relationship for all manner of reasons. It's not always about you. Her friends have told you she doesn't want a relationship, and I would accept that at face value. Don't go looking for hidden meanings. Her impending move could well be a major factor. Having to relate to you in a long-distance relationship is less than ideal. I think she was right to knock it on the head when she did.
The other factor is your situation in a small town. Presumably you won't be there for ever so your dating pool will expand as time goes on. Just chill. You don't need a girlfriend to validate who you are. The right one will happen when you least expect it. Spend some time having a laugh with your mates. They tend to get second billing when a girlfriend appears on the scene.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2016): I think it is a lot more complicated than just that. Some people would just prefer not to be in a relationship at the time. For others circumstances arise that make it hard for a relationship.
Personally, I don't understand why if a good relationship comes along, you would still not want one. But I think it very much depends upon the individual and what they want from life.
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