A
female
age
41-50,
*he Other One?
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 months now. He's 27, never been married, doesn't have any kids, very sweet and straight forward. My Mr. Everything. In the beginning he would come to visit like every other day due to work schedules and gas. Since day one he has made me feel like I am his all.He told me that he had just ended a relationship with an ex who claims to be carrying his baby but she won't show him proof of the pregnancy. He said she thinks that will keep him from being happy with another woman. This girl, he says, lives in his apartment, which he moved out of. (Claims to be living with his mom.) He says that she is crazy and if he tried to put her out that she would call the police on him and claim that he beat her, so he just avoids her until his lease is up. Ok here's my delimma, recently I've noticed a pattern with him. He has only spent the night with me 3 times in 3 months. He only comes around during certain times of the day which I think is still due to work schedules. (I could be wrong.) It's hard to get a hold of him by cell phone sometimes, but he will always call me back. I've only met some of his close friends, none of his family. He tells me he loves me all the time and always compliments me, tells me that we will never be without eachother and that next year we will be married, living in the house of my dreams, Driving the car that want to have. And not to mention, he told me that he is in love with me and that the females he was with before were just relationships to try to find Mrs. Right, and that he didn't love them. He said he has never felt this way ever and now that he knows what love is really about he doesn't want to lose that feeling. His friends are shocked that we have lasted this long. Now, my friends on the otherhand, say that he is still messing around with the othergirl and that I'm dumb if I can't see it. They seem to think that he is using me, even though I don't have anything but love to offer him. I ask myself, using me for what? I can count on 1 hand the number of times we've made love, He makes more money than me, he drives a nicer car than me, And has way better credit than I do! lol He tells me that he just has a lot to do before he can move in with me and that he want's our relationship to be perfect because I deserve to have everthing I want and need because a man that honestly loves a woman will make sacrifices. So that's why it's hard to reach him at times. He says that he doesn't want to bring his issues into my life because it won't be fair to me. He has painted a perfect picture of our future in my head plus he loves my 3 kids. I feel like he honestly does love me and wants to be with me, but if my friends see something different, are they jealous or am I stupid and living a fantacy affair with someone who is going to end up hurting me? Could I be the other woman? Please help me... I love this man and want to trust him but could I just be blind?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): I am not sure, but it sounds like this man has you on a string and is not seeing you all that much, but after only 3 months (or sooner) started promising a future and a marriage and a nice car. Most men of quality, if they think that you are the one, will not say anything about marriage that soon for fear of scaring you off.
There is something wrong with the scenario that he has an ex that lives in his apartment because she is crazy, (men like to use the crazy defense when they are either hiding something or have a woman on their hands making demands of them that they don't want to fulfill) claims she is pregnant but won't show him proof of the pregnancy....he doesn't need proof, she will be showing a baby bulge after three months or more, and that is all the proof he needs that she is pregnant. He sounds to me like he is not to be trusted, that he does not really want to own up to his responsibilities with the other woman, feels trapped by the situation, and is acting out his resentment by feeding you a line of crap,so he can distract himself from his real problems with his former girlfriend.
I don't think you can honestly trust his words, he is not backing them up with his behavior, it is too soon to promise all of this to you, and he is doing it to keep you interested and waiting by the phone, so he can just have the priviledge of dropping in on occasion to see you and have sex with you....Also, how do you know he loves your kids, you have only been with him for 3 months, and he does not see you or your kids that often it sounds like to me?
I don't think your best friends would be jealous of you, but are truly worried about your welfare...You are vulnerable, and they are just looking out for you, they see a rat because they are not clouded in their judgement by lust and or the desire to be loved by this man.
Back off, demand some more consistent behavior, don't sleep with him or carry on a relationship until the woman moves out, and until the paternity of her pregnancy has been determined. If he truly loves you, he will step up to the plate and meet you where you are, and respect you by cleaning up his relationship with the possible mother of his child. That is my advice based on what you are telling about him here, but the decision is ultimately yours to make...hope vs reality.
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