A
female
age
36-40,
*esesperada
writes:Ok so my BF and I are thinking about getting married and the topic of the infamous bachealor/bachealorette party has come up. Something I should tell you is that my BF and I have been together for about 6 years now and we were teenagers when we started dating. He cheated in the beginning of the relationship and I forgave him. Since then it has been hard for me to trust him 100%. N-E-who, we decided ( well I decided) that we should not have Bachealor/Bachealorette partys because in my opinion they are unnecessary and all they do is cause both people to be angry with eachother. My friends all criticize me for not wanting one. They think that he is the one controlling me and telling me not to have one but it's all me. I just dont think I would enjoy myself and I KNOW I would be dricing myself crazy while he's out...Am I wrong for this???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Some couples have joint bachelor/bachelorette parties. Even if you trust him, those situations can get tricky because of other people's intentions and actions, not necessarily his. I totally understand!
A
female
reader, desesperada +, writes (25 June 2009):
desesperada is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice guys....I guess I forgave him but I havent forgotten and I don't think I ever will. I also don't see myself leaving him so I think I might just have to suck it up and bear it. ..I feel as though once we get married I won't be so paranoid, but then again just because we are married doesn't mean im 100% safe...I don't knwo this whole situation has me so stressed. He says that I worry too much about the future and that he would never hurt me. I want to believe him so much but I can't help feeling this way. Maybe I should seek counseling? I know he wouldnt go for that...
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A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 You can't have a good relationship with out 100% trust and I know it's hard to trust your partner after he's cheated on you but if you both really love eachother try and move on. Remember you don't have to be pressured into having one just because everyone else does or your friends say you should. And your not wrong for being paranoid, I mean you have a right to be but as I said if you love him 100% and he loves you then try your hardest to trust him, even if it's really hard. Also if you were both teenagers when you got together, it was probably a stupid mistake he made, we all make mistakes. If you love him, try your best to trust him.
Hope this helps
=)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): trust and forgivness...
you say you forgave him.. if you truly truly did.. this would not be an issue.
my bf... cheated. and i can tell ya now marriage (not in the cards)... I cant forgive him and i cant forget...I will find someone someday... whom is worth my trust and forgivness.
that is a hard card to play and you have to do one or the other... you cant say i forgive you and then always look over your shoulder. You will go nuts, kinda like now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Why can't you both have parties that don't include strippers? A lot of people are doing that now adays.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 If you don't trust him with his bachelor party, how will you be able to trust him once married?You said that you don't trust him 100% since he cheated but isn't true that trust is the core of a relationship?You were able to "tolerate" the mistrust you have in him all that time, how long will you be able to hold on until you collapse? It's not just about forgiving, it's also about forgetting.
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