A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I recently left my fiance of 3yrs and called off our wedding that was in 2months. I have posted other questions regarding the breakup however I need some help with this one. My ex keeps calling and begging for me to come back and when I tell him that im not he tells me im cold hearted for not wanting to fix things and that he would never give up on us and that I have. I feel that after 3yrs I gave him many opportunitys to fix his insecurity problems, which he didnt. I know theres also no way to change the fact that I dont like being a step mother right now to an 11yr old when im only 22. I just dont feel emotionally invested into this relationship anymore, I just feel like we are two totally different people, and that over the 3yrs I have discovered alot of qualitys in him that I dont want from my future husband. I think if this guy was "the one" i would try harder to work on things. I feel that since I am young there is so much I need to do before I settle down and I think i just got caught up in everything before and wasnt looking at the relationship in that way, but now that I am I just realize its not for me. I love him and hes a wonderful person, but i just cant help how I feel. I know relationships take work, but is he right, am I horrible for just walking away and not fixing it because its not what I want in life right now and feel theres someone better for both of us????
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female
reader, TwiggyCA  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Good for you for realizing it before your wedding day! Of course he's going to say those things, he wants you to marry him. Go with your gut. If your gut says it's not right, then don't let someone else talk you into it! Sounds like you're doing the right thing... the mature thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a bunch ilovebowsandcherries!! Your advice was great!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 no not at all he's just being this mean because he is hurting at the fact he thought he would actually be with you and settle down with you.
i've had an ex tell me to kill myself because i made him "angry" it's because they're not getting what they wanted and what they hoped they would get.
and you are right why should you be a step mother to an 11 year old at 22? you still got so much ahead of you and so much left to do and plenty of time until you do find the right one.
everyone gets caught up in the fantasy fairytale relationship and never really see what they should of before.
but when you do see it you realise you'd never have gone there had you known it before.
he's just being a sore loser at the moment and wanting to blame someone and can't handle it.
give him time and space he'll soon come to realise it is for the best :) and not the worse.
Hope this helps hun x x x ilovebowsandcherries x x x
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