A
female
age
36-40,
*itch-fire
writes:Hi. I've started dating an older single dad; I'm 25 and he's 35. He's got 3 kids and they seem to like me so far, and they're great kids. Just really want to know if anyone has any tips for dating single dads. I really do like him and do want this to work. I've never dated anyone and felt this way before. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (29 March 2013):
 Hi
Just be sure that it's a relationship with you he wants and not an instant childminder, Other than that yes it can be hard at first, as my ex husband moved on very quickly when we broke up , got a new girlfriend and now has another child with her, it's been 8 yrs nearly 9 and we are still arguing, as the new ( well not now) fiance`e still tried to come between my ex and our kids, it's only very recently that things have started to settle down. So it will be a risky relationship. Then some people can be perfectly fine and actually get on really well with the ex and their kids, I supose it depends on how they are and how they ended things.
As far as the children are concernd, just remain a friend, don't try to mother them as they have a mother for that, don't let them walk all over you either they can spot vunerable people a mile off. If there is ever time you feel uncomfortable, or the kids are being disrepectful then speak calmly to your BF about it, I am sure if he is a good guy he wont allow it to continue....
Good luck I hope it works out for you, just rememeber to make sure this is something you really want to do, because if you come into the kids lives and then it don't work out the kids could get hurt all over again.
Mandy x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 I was married to a single dad. When I met his daughter she was 9 and had limited contact with her mom. I became "lovey" to her because she wanted a mommy but calling me mommy was not an option. So she picked "LOVEY". I married her dad and had her as my attendant. She then called me mommy. And I was since he had custody fully.
If the kids live with the dad it's going to be a different situation than if he just has visitation.
As long as the dad demands that the children treat you with respect and courtesy then I think it's fine.
Respect the father child relationship and encourage it... but if there is no mother around and the kids need a mother figure... tread carefully based on dad and kids comfort levels.
If the mom is still around and active in their lives... the best thing you can do if she's agreeable is make her your "friend" the goal is keeping the kids sane and happy and healthy.
in actuality, keeping the kids away from you till it's serious is in everyone's best interest. This does not mean you are not important to him. It's just that young children are easily attached and until you two are sure your forever or close to forever, it's not a good idea to get the kids hopes up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): I haven't been in your shoes but I have friends who are. based on my observations my advice would be: be prepared for his ex to hate you for no logical reason. You could be Mother Theresa and the ex will still hate you for no reason other than that you are the new woman in this guy's life. I don't know what you can do about that, because bending over backwards to extend the hand of friendship rarely works. Staying respectfully out of the way may or may not work depending on how vengeful she is. Often she may calm down once she gets a new boyfriend or husband. But it will re-surface where her kids are involved. my question to other commenters who always say that the girlfriend or new wife must always come second to the man's kids.What if the man was still married to the mother of his kids? would/should he still always put his wife second to the kids? in an ideal nuclear family, where the parents are married to each other, should they *always* put each other second to their kids? and if not *always* then why is it that if the man is divorced and now has a new partner or re-marries, the new wife must *always* come second to his kids? Don't you think this is a recipe for an unhealthy marriage/relationship, if the wife puts the husband first because of their wedding vows but he *always* puts her second? If so, is the logic then that single dads should just never date again or re-marry until their kids are grown?
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A
female
reader, malvern + ♥, writes (27 March 2013):
 I've been in both situations with having my own children - now grown up - as well as dating somebody with children. No matter what happens the children will always come first so you must try to understand that. The main thing is never, never, criticise his children or advise him on how to bring them up no matter what you think. His ways may not be your ways but you just have to grin and bear it. Just remain as 'dads friend' and don't interfere too much and you'll be okay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): at 25 I would avoid this kind of headache, unless I was a single mother myself, that not being the case I'll explain why I avoid single fathers: 1. His income is already compromised with child support 2. the weekends are the kid's and so your time with your bf is limited, the kids require his attention 3. You will always come second 4. Kids can be quite annoying, other people's kids, can be downright obnoxious, you can't beat them, you can't discipline them if they're rude, and you'll always hear that you are not their mother 5. sometimes there's still some ex-wife drama going on, and she can be quite bitchy. But if you met the kids it's a good sign and since they're young children, just be nice to them, don't try to discipline them or anything
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A
female
reader, witch-fire +, writes (26 March 2013):
witch-fire is verified as being by the original poster of the question yea they're all under 10. they're lovely kids and think they suspect I'm more than just a friend of dad's. Thanks for the tips. Wonder if any of the girlfriends of single dads leave comments. great to hear a side of the children too. Thanks hun x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): ok well as a daughter of a single dad who has a girlfriend, i personally hate she is rude and thinks she is my mum they have beendating for a shorter time than me and my bf, but i think the relationship part is pretty normal but the main thing to remeber is the kids will come first (but you seem nice and jknow and understand that) if they are teens just be careful we are difficalt to deal with, but if they are younger then just be fun but dont ever act like a mum to any of them because the mother of the kids will not be happy,
good luck,
hope i helped
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