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Any suggestions, or should I somehow let the girl know to stop flirting with me?

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Question - (21 July 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 July 2008)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi,

Here's my dilemma. A little more than a month ago, a girl (lets say Tammy) and her friend came up to my desk giggling, and she put her chest out and asked how she looked. I have also noticed that Tammy smiles and waves to me often, like everytime she sees me. Once, she walked though a door next to my desk, saying that she should have gone through the other door-a door directly to where she needed to be (she basically took the long way around, past my desk). Not too long ago, she stopped me and started a small conversation (about her job, whether or not she was going to transfer). Afterwards, I had to talk to a co-worker, and collect paperwork. She seemed interested in what I was doing, and was asking all kinds of questions. While talking to that co-worker, she said "I'm Hungry," but I didn't know what to do, if she was even talking to me. According to a few websites, girls tend to do this to see your reaction.

But, heres the kicker:

I do not have any desire to go out with a girl who's in a relationship. That's cheating, and I have better morals than that. Anyways, I checked her Facebook before I made any move. While she disabled (had no) "relationship status," I noticed on her wall, a guy had wrote along the lines of, "Talk to ya later. Good night, wifey."

I don't know if she's really married (she's 19), or if that was just sweet talk, but either way, I think that those comments pretty much imply she's in a relationship. Any suggestions, or should I somehow let the girl know to stop flirting with me?

Thank you so much, I appreciate it.

View related questions: co-worker, disabled, facebook, flirt

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (22 July 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntThats not fair for the "pretty" girls, because now THEY don't stand a chance with you. You can't let a bad past experience with a girl ruin your chances for love. We have bad experiences so that we learn from it, and let it help us grow and mature. How will you know if you don't want a girl that texts all day long and won't show you what she is texting unless you have experienced it before? (Not literally, but you get my drift). Don't throw yourself a pity party, grow from it. Tell yourself, "To hell with that, now I know, the one for me is NOT like that!" Pretty girls have nothing to do with it, that would be generalizing. You know, a lot of pretty girls don't get approached by good guys because the guys feel intimidated and "not worthy".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2008):

Hi, its me again. I need to add, that I have never been with a girl before. A bad experience in the past made me swear that I'd never again approach a girl, unless she showed signs that she liked me. I've seen pretty girls before, but that "inner voice" always reminds me that I stand no chance-and not to even bother. This one "showed signs she liked me", and now I feel like I have been stabbed once again. I should have listened to that inner voice, that said she is just messing with me. I guess contrary to the various websites out there, my inner voice is almost always right. I am beginning to realize that relationships are not for me, I'll have to accept the fact that I'm better off single, and just give up.

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A female reader, lotus mama808 United States +, writes (22 July 2008):

lotus mama808 agony auntI'm unclear, you like her, but because of your morals you don't want to step on any toes? Or you flat out don't like her that way, wether she is with someone or not? The best thing for you to do without hurting any feelings or creating any akwardness is whenever she gives you that vibe like she is looking for a sign from you that you like her too, just give her a sign otherwise. Don't flirt back. Be flattered (because, lets face it, it is flattering). Don't say anything flirtatious, or respond to any pick up lines, or moves, just change the subject, or giggle at it and move on. She will catch on. If she doesnt, tell her your going to see your girlfriend after work. That should cut it off instantly!

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