A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am genuinely really struggling so please only supportive answers.Bit of background. So there is a public figure, kind of celebrity – small celebrity, up and coming type – that I admire. (They will be left unnamed, I will just Callthem D) This started as a normal celebrity interest, celebrity crush I guess. It came and went as normal crushes go. D has helped me realize things about my gender identity through their work.In Oct last year I saw D at a gig they were doing. After the gig I left straight away, to get my return train home. D was there also waiting for their train. I went up to D and said hi and said I loved their show. We had a quick interaction and photo before I had to get my train. I was over the moon I got to meet them. That should have been it. Saw my celebrity crush, got a photo, all was well with the world.The few days following this interaction, I had serious anxiety, I felt sick, restless, shaky and really depressed! Like it had hit me like a brick wall. There was no obvious trigger or cause. All I could think of was this interaction with D. I couldn’t even look at the photo I had with D as it made me feel sick with anxiety. I felt drawn to D. Like more drawn to them than anyone else. Like when you feel a new connection with someone. Yes I know. Stupid.This lasted about a week. I felt like nothing else in the world mattered but D. I felt stupid, silly and crazy. I couldn’t eat without feeling sick. I felt like I had to run away. I was constantly shaky , even in my sleep. I felt like I had gone mad. It passed, eventually.This week I went to see D again for a gig. I felt like I need to try work out what it was that caused the anxiety before. Perhaps to get closure. I felt exposure was the best way to do it. My plan was to just go to the gig, have a nice time, go home, get on with my life, like any other person.The gig was great. I returned to the bar area after to have a drink before I headed home. D appeared in the bar and was talking with fans and having drinks. They seemed really happy to have the interaction with fans after the gig. After the anxiety I felt last time, I felt it would be safer to not approach D and just finish my drink and leave. I felt okay with this, felt like I had got the closure I needed and I didn’t feel overly bothered about talking to them this time.I took my drink and sat down in a seat that became available. Not long after I sat down, D actually approached me and sat next to me. We had a lovely interaction and another photo. I was happy and even more so because D approached me not the other way round. I felt a connection. Yes I know, it’s ridiculous.Then the familiar feelings of feeling stupid, silly and crazy smacked me in the face on the return home. The whole way home on the train I felt sick with anxiety, felt exhausted and couldn’t focus on anything else but thinking about the interaction with D.The last few days I’ve felt the same anxiety, restlessness that I did in October. I can’t eat, sleep, I can’t sit still. I feel this impending doom feeling. I want to cry, but I don’t even know why.I like this person, they are a lovely person. But why do they make me feel so bad? Even though I feel bad, I want to be around them. Why can’t I just admire their work from afar, like other people. Just be happy I got to meet them again and go about my normal daily life? But I can’t. It has consumed me. I can’t shift this feeling of connection.D has also been paying me more attention on social media. When D approached me in the bar, they said they had seen my story on social media and wanted to say see me.Anyone experienced this?Anyone know what it could mean?I already feel silly and ridiculous so please no nasty comments. I know nothing will happen with D. I just need to work out this extreme anxiety and strange draw to them. It feels more than just a celebrity crush
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): These were the previous answers to your other post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/minor-celebritys-effect-on-me.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2022): So, you've changed it up a little. Why would you return to the source of your anxiety? It would be much healthier to give yourself a break by avoiding contact; and to discontinue any follow-up on social media. You should also seek some professional advice and counseling from a mental-health professional.
You didn't receive any nasty or unsupportive comments the first time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2022): You posted two versions of this, some of the bits contradict themselves.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (18 March 2022):
 "please only supportive answers."
"I already feel silly and ridiculous so please no nasty comments."
What kind of nasty or unsupportive comment could we make about your story? Sure it's a bit unusual, but really many people suffer from generalized anxiety. I'm in no position to help you understand where this feeling is coming from, that would take a professional therapist and a lot of work.
What I can tell you that might make you feel better is that people with anxiety, often don't have good reasons for their anxiety. It's just a feeling that they have. This is your feeling. It is neither good nor bad. It is entirely yours to own. You don't need to feel shame about it. What you do need to do is to have ways to work through these feelings in a safe and healthy way.
Considering the level of your distress at the anxiety, I would suggest strongly that you talk to a professional about it.
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