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Angry boyfriend!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi Guys

Please some advice as not sure If i am over reacting here!! Well my boyfriend obviously can be lovely very sweet etc always complimenting me. But he gets angry and irritated by the slightest things, if he calls and I miss his call he will get moody or if he sends me a nice message and i'm working and don't have time to reply straight away he will get moody. When we have an argument he gets so angry and pucnhes and kicks things (not me) but has called me a c**t, bitch, one of these arguments started just coz i told him he didnt need to be rude to someone on the phone! Then he stormed out. Also we have been out to dinner and he was getting annoyed as there was some family problems and some of the family were texting me, he got angry and told me to shut up and eat my dinner! He is always sorry but i dont know if i over react by thinking this is not healthy! He gets annoyed as he says he loves me but I dont show it enough back and when he gets an outburst i should just tell him i love him and he will calm down, but when he's going off on one that's the last thing i feel like doing!! He always wants to be with me and makes me feel bad if I want my own space sometimes. He constantly sends me messages telling me i'm the love of his life and he has never loved someone so much AT first i thought this was sweet. I used to think it was just because he is insecure but now i'm thinking is this the start of an abusive person?? He has such a short fuse and I wonder what will set him off. any advice would be great as i've never been an argumentative person and this is getting me down x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Oh my... Thought I was the only one! I've been dating a guy who's exactly the same way. For six months, I tried to help him be a better man and better person. But the random raging violent outburst, hitting the wall & throwing things, & the verbal abuse became too much, so I up and left yesterday. So then he accused me of taking his condom and cheating on him! And then he called me a lying cheating bitch and said that I made his life miserable!

So much for being good and kind, and for trying to help, I tell you!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010):

Run! These are signs of a very insecure and controlling man. Your normal day to day routine will come under question, eventually you're whole being under scrutiny. He's probably cute and can be nice or romantic, but he will fear and block anything that could be even the smallest threat to taking ANY of your time or attention. It won't take too long before you second guess yourself for everything you think and do. You will walk on egg shells and make decisions based on how not to upset him not on what's best for you as it should be. Your spark will fizzle out and if you stay too long you will feel like an empty shell with no identity. Ladies it IS NOT WORTH IT! Do not stay with this kind of man. If you are saying no to things when you want to say yes because you fear him getting upset or you shrink your dreams, circle of friends to make him happy you are doing yourself AND him a disfavor. Get out safely, get out quickly and run far away.

It will take at least a year to heal from this kind of man. You can go on a dates after awhile of being single, but don't get serious for a long while after or the next guy will probably pay an unfair price.

You are beautiful, smart and capable. That's why he was attracted to you. Then he began to strip it all away so only he would know its still there and its all his. RUN!

And then do everything you can to release your anger towards him and rebuild your self confidence. Write on paper what your dream man IS like. Make a list of boundaries. What will and what will you not put up with in a relationship. Grow stronger from the controlling man. Do so in a healthy way so good men don't have to pay for the bad ones.

I give the same advice to men when these roles are reversed.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi Guys

Thanks for all your advice, just needed a gentle push in the right direction and realise it's not me over reacting! So I have gotten rid! Yeah i do miss the nice side BUT do not miss the arguments, nastiness, the ups and downs and all the stress that came with it ..... the list goes on!!! Had a little wake up call!!

Cheers :-) x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009):

I'm not the least bit surprised this is getting you down, I certainly don't think you're over reacting and you're dead right - this is not healthy!

I don't know about it being the start of abusive behaviour, I'd say it's pretty much entrenched already! He wants to control every bit of your life by the sound of it and I think it will get worse rather than better.

He's a bit of a Jekyll & Hyde character isn't he? He's verbally abusive and destructive one minute then apologetic the next. He's a control freak and demonstrates abusive behaviour too. I think you'd be very wise to consider what the future holds for you with this guy - if I was a betting man I'd say it's odds-on that he'll be kicking you instead of the furniture before too long.

My advice? Get rid of him before it gets any worse - and it WILL get worse unless you do something about it. For heaven's sake don't say you can't do that 'because you love him' - you can't possibly love someone that behaves this way towards you.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (29 April 2009):

Honeygirl agony auntYour boyfriend is using all his ability to control you, he wants you to do exactly as he says. I dont like the fact that he swears at you, another worrying fact is the physically punching/hitting - ok, so hes not hitting you, but I dont think that it will take much more before he does actually hit you. You dont sound happy in the relationship, so I think that you should reconsider whether you really want to be with him.

Honeygirl

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