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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: How long can a marriage hold on? Do most marriages fail? I keep reading over and over again too many miserable stories and mine is on the rocks too, after 25 years. I have an unloving, gloomy husband... No affection. I'm so scared, I feel I should just get out and get a life. He won't change, there is no intention at all to make things better. He won't and hasn't changed in the last few years.. I think, if I don't go, he will. I hate this because what if he forces me to leave? I really don't want to but if I stay, things will get worse and I just get weaker and weaker so when he leaves me I will be a powerless wreck.Is this a good idea for me to keep doing it, just because I think our marriage was forever? But what if it's not?It is really not in my hands.. And oh, the kids and all the crappy divorce war, I just don't know how to go on...
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 You only have one life to live, and your description does not paint a rosy picture. Perhaps it is indeed time to begin with a new canvas. Start by discretely seeking employment opportunities if needed, perhaps even going so far as to announce that you are going to work because you are bored (or whatever). This should ensure that you will have support and be able to provide care for your children if necessary. Hopefully, you have some savings separate from his, and if not, try to establish such a resource.
Begin seeking help and advice from your family if possible. You said that "It is really not in" your hands, in which case you should probably begin to do something about that. It is not easy, perhaps, but you need to gain some control over your life, which may indeed be in your hands in the future. You need to be prepared. While it may be possible that he will "see the light" and suddenly turn around, so to speak, do not count on it. The prospect of losing you (and the children, to some degree) may drastically alter his disposition. It is up to you to decide if that could be lasting. As he begins to recognize that you are "up to something," which he will, it may also reveal some things that you do not now know about him. Something is apparently astray.
Ultimately, of course, you will probably need legal counsel, depending upon where you reside - so it may be wise to look into that possibility as well. You are still young - keep your head up and be strong. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 Sorry about you being unhappy. I am going through the much dreaded Divorce after now 26 years and it is a very scary thing to do when you are used to depending on someone else for finances and everything else but I can tell you if it is as bad as you said and you think it isn't going to get any better you will do yourself and the kids a great favor by getting out. It's not easy by no means but being unhappy isn't healthy and you will find that once you take the first big step then the others will be easier. Do IT For Yourself!!!!
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