A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a nurse and about 10 months ago I was mildly assulted and bullied at work by another nurse with no witnesses.I wrote up this nurse and turned it in to my HR and to my nursing director. Nothing was ever done I was never supported they just brushed it off. My husband to be (now my husband) who is another nurse at a different hospital(same network)expressed his disappointment verbally to me and that was it. If the shoe was on the other foot and this happened to him,I would have been pissed as heck and I would have went down to the male nursing director's office and got in his face about protecting my husband at work and told the guy he should have backed my husband up. A safe and secure work area for my family is very important. My husband did not do that. Am I wrong in thinking that he should have done that for me? Why or why not?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (19 August 2011):
 I think you are being unreasonable expecting your husband to step into your work and berate someone for something he did not see. He can support YOU and your feelings regarding the matter, but show up at work?
He is not your Daddy or your Knight. If he ran down there brandishing his sword to defend your honor, he could have caused you more trouble at work than it is worth.
No doubt if you were in actual danger (came home with more than just hurt feelings) he would step up more, but if you feared for your safety YOU would need to do more too.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (19 August 2011):
I agree with Jmtmj, it depends on how you look at it.
Personally I would not have appreciated my partner to go storming in to my place of work guns blazing and making the issue a hundred times worse. Did he not support you in any other way, I mean, would you have felt better about the incident if you had felt listened to and had some sympathy and understanding from him? Isn't that better, than having a guy who would get "pissed as heck" and getting in someones face? Surely that would have just ruined any reputation you and your husband have?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): I think your husband has properly supported you - if it happened to him, I would hope you wouldn't go to his boss and get in his face and abuse him etc etc! Aren't YOU then acting like a bully? It could all (and probs would!) escalate way out of proportion and your husband's promotion/career prospects could be ruined - and THAT'S maybe why he didn't get directly involved in your problem! For a "mild assault and bully" it would be a way over the top reaction. Let's remember here also that there were no witnesses - just your word against the bully. You reported the original attack, so regardless of anything, it is on record - and you don't know - HR COULD have confronted the bully - maybe they didn't follow up with you because of the 'he said/she said' and no witnesses. If still unhappy, you should put in a written second complaint to your HR department. I'm sorry but I think you are way over-reacting to this - it happened 10 months ago, time to let go of your resentment or it could taint your marriage. He married you because he loves you, he gave you verbal support, and I'm sure he would be the first to step up if the occasion warranted it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): That would have got you fired or made it a lot worse in the long run. Its a blessing you have got a level headed husband.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 Ironically, protecting you may have been just what he was doing... just depends on how you look at it. Going and screaming at your boss doesn't seem like protecting to me, that just seems silly and counter-productive. I'm sure if he felt you were genuinely in danger that yeah, he'd step up to the plate for you... but he's not a henchman.
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