| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. In him I've found a friend in whom I can confide in, but not necesarily the boyfriend I wanted. I've been somewhat happy with him, but not thrilled because you see I'm not interested in getting married like right now but at least I wish he'd act more interested in getting married. I wish I could see a future but he only talks about his job. He only spends money in things related to his job. I've been unemployed for a while now and he've always wanted me to work with him. His self-employed. He works in sales and he says he makes good money but it doesn't look like it because of his quality of living. He has been offered good paying jobs and rejected them because he understand is more intelligent to work on his own than to be a regular employee. I've tried working with him but is no good for the relationship because he acts like very bossy and I feel it affects the relationship. I feel kind of devaluated working with him because he pays me when he wants and what he wants (usually more than what I deserve) but on the other hand I have a Master's Degree and Student Loans debts. I need a bigger and steady income to pay for those loans. And I also feel like I worked hard earning my degrees to be like working for him doing stupid things like bringing documents to people and nothing that's like professional. I've always dreamed of working for a company and feeling a part of it and receiving my secure paycheck every friday. Because of my boyfriend is a self employed man I've had to deal with lots of stuff because he is like talking about his bussiness all day and receiving calls and thinking about what to do next for marketing, etc. EW can talk for a long time and have a good time but I feel like something's missing, he is not the regular boyfriend.I wish he would like have his own job and make a decent living and just go out and talk about other stuff not job related like in a regular reltionship. It's frutrating. This man is obssesed with money and working since I met him. He is young but yet he is not into going to the beach, going out, the movies, watching TV, or any of the normal stuff normal people do. I don't know if I can take it anymore. He have also criticize me a lot because at first he didn't wanted me to work as an employee anywhere but work beside him in financial stuff I don't like or understand (My major is totaly different) and then for not finding a job. Believe me I send 1-3 resumes weekly and so far nothing. I did worked for six months a year ago in a small factory and quit because I was being greatly mistreated and underpayed. Two months later started working with him in Real Estate (we met because of this thing in common) But he kind of stopped me because he wanted me to work the bussiness the way he wanted. Just by lisiting the properties of the people he knows and gently waiting for the interested clients to call and see if we make a sale. He said his other bussiness were more important. You see I can't work without him because I'm only an agent, he is a broker. So that was frustrating. I needed his help because I don't know anything about mortgages and financial stuff and that's one of the things people tend to ask you when you are on this business. And without his help and new at his I kind of quit. Now he has changed hismind and wants me to wotk the Real Estate bussiness the way I want. By the way, in my state our economy is a nightmare. The unemployment toll is rising with every passing day and the real estate bussiness can't be more cold. Today he almost cried when I told him he could get a better job and kind of broke up with me. But two minutes later called me to continue with the discussion and started talking like we were still on the relationship. Since he hasn't been calling me lately since we argued about the same matter about four weeks ago I've learned to live without him, and to be honest I don't feel like I miss him much. Before this argument he said he would not leave me even if I didn't find a job. He said he likes my personality a lot and that he finds me very attractive (I know that) He says I don't value him (for other things he's done for me like favors and stuff I didn't ask him to do) and that I don't care if I lose him because I keep doing some things he have told me he doesn't like. My days go by pretty much sending resumes online, watching TV and playing with my dog and niece. We don't go out anymore and when we do is usually something related to his job. And he is also very cheap. Should we just broke up for once and for all? Am I wrong for wanting a normal boyfriend? Or what's wrong with me?
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female
reader, love sucks!  +, writes (23 April 2007):
hahahah omg sweetie hate to break it to ya but there is not "NORMAL" bfs and you will never find no one if you keep thinking that just gotta appreciate someone for who they are and you will find someone eventually
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): (hmm) Well, hon, I had a hard time following your "essay". I am gathering that you like most things about your bf except what he does for a living. I know something about the business he is in and it is a very competitive thing. Yet, you don't think he makes enough money...right(?) Well, if he is building his business now, it may take a while, but the money is definitely out there. Many men wish they could have their own business. You think he is too occupied with it. Well, he has to be occupied with it if he wants to be successful. It is a fast moving thing. You say you want a "normal" bf. I think you mean one who puts in a 9 to 5 job working for somebody else. But he has "regular hours" and is there at home at a certain time. And you think this "normal" guy will come bouncing in at 5:30 pm full of smiles like Dick Vandyke or Ozzie Nelson and wants to take you out some place. And you go dancing of into the misty moonlight or whatever. Don't bet on it, hon. He will often come home mad as hell and fuming about some stupid thing his boss did and how some other jerk is tryng to backstab him. And he only wants a drink and a couch and to be left alone. If you don't like working with your bf and don't like the business, just tell him so. And get on the stick about your own work if that is what you want. He doesn't seem to be averse to your working. It may not be a dream job, but, honey, those dream jobs are hard to find. You mostly see them on TV and in the movies. OK, enough of Dr. Tom's lectures. Is there another reason you are not extatically happy all the time? I am open from 9 to 5 on weekends. (LOL)
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