A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was married 31 years, I met a wonderful man 9 months ago who was also married 25 years, his ex wife has moved on with someone else but he has still feelings for her. When I tell him I love him he just replies he is fond of me. He has told me he will never marry again or live with anyone. We are very happy at the moment dating once a week and get on very well, we talk on the phone most days. The problem is someday I would like to remarry. Am I wasting my time or in time I hope he will change his mind as we get on so well it would be hard to make the break, maybe I should just learn to live for the here and now and let the future take care of itself. Please help me make up my mind, thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): My advice is kinda similar to the last post. Listen to what this man is telling you. If you and him have divergent views about remarriage, he is most likely not the one. You should never have to convince a man to marry or remarry. This should be a natural flow of events. After 6 months ( most of the time even earlier) a man knows where the relationship is going. He knows what plans he has for you. Men say all the time they knew they wanted to marry a specific women the day they met her. I say have an open and honest conversation with him about it. If he doesn't give you the answers you are looking for, or that you need, you should definitely move on.
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (23 July 2007):
I liked both other replies and thought them very insightful,but I want to know WHY you think you are wasting your time. Given the 31 year and 25 year marriages you've come out of, you seem impatient, maybe give it a few more months and really try to figure out why he is reluctant. There must be more going on or not going on??Is there any way you could heat things up?They say that later in life, the woman has to have a more active role in convincing the man to get married.Good luck in making your decision!
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (16 July 2007):
 If you love this man/care about him alot then right now getting married shouldn't matter. You should be concentrating on enjoying what you have. Maybe this guy will change his mind, maybe he wont. Do you want to end things with him because right now he doesn't see himself getting married again?!
I agree with rhythmandblues- if you really see yourself remarrying then maybe it's time to put your fingers in a few more pies in the non sexual sense. Date a few more men and see what happens. Maybe the guy you are dating currently will realise he wants to be with you properly.
xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): If I were in your shoes, and I cared about this man, I would first listen to what he is telling you about never remarrying, he is telling you who he is, you need to listen, he is telling something that you don't want to hear, but it is his truth.
If you want to remarry, then you are not just wasting your time, you are wasting your heart and emotional energy in the wrong place. If you can handle orbiting around in his world as a nice side dish, then that is cool, and I would start looking around and dating other men. I don't mean sleep around either, just date, keep your heart open to new romantic partnerships, as this one for now is most likely a dead end.
Take care.
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