A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had this thing for this guy for a little less than a year. We hooked up in January (not all the way, however) and I left for college. We continued talking but I didnt fully believe he could like me (he was 2 years above me in high school and I've always had a bit of a crush on him - I still sort of think he is way out of my league). So I sort of just let things fizzle out. He asked to hang out when I was home for a week and despite that he dropped a few obvious hints about what might happen, nothing did. I was pretty cold, I made no effort. I mean, after that we still talked, but it wasnt the same. I kicked myself the entire summer. I saw him a few times and we were cordial but thats about it. I fell into a pretty deep depression (not necessarily because of him) but now that I'm back at school, things have gotten better. I had finally gotten over him - and now that I'm gone he talks to me online pretty often. It makes me happy, but its also driving me crazy. I cannot speak to him without falling for him again and when I realize that maybe he has another girl or that he probably just likes me as a friend (i think I subtly put him in the friend zone), it makes me even more miserable. He spoke to me about maybe moving out here for a few months to see how he likes, or just to get out of our hometown for a little bit. He never outright asked but I assured him it'd be fine if he stayed for a month or two. It hasnt happened (and I doubt it will), but why would he ask this? I cant help misreading things and deluding myself. I thought I'd really be fine with being just friends with him because I really just like hanging out with him, but everytime I see him or talk to him I'm right back where I started. Is having something with him a completely ridiculous idea? Should I still try and be friends with him, or cut it off for good? He is the kind of person I would wait for, and that is what scares me - I fear wasting even more time on him.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Why would he ask that ... shooting the breeze, probably. Or, subtly keeping you in the " just in case " category.
This guy's interest is apprently rather lukewarm, but not totally absent. He probably thinks you'll do fine... in lack of better distractions.
Don't kick yourself for having involuntarily " friendzoned " him. I don't think this is what happened, - and I think he is quite aware you have a crush on him and feel he's out of your league, these things always show somehow.
I don't think tryng to stay friends is a good idea,- because that's not what you really mean to do , deep down. You just hope the more " exposure " he gets to you, the more contact you get to have, the more chances you get that he eventually will upgrade you from "friend " to gf.
If you really want to get over him, the best would be to keep your distance.
A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (17 September 2011):
 well all you can do is say hey i like you what do you think. he will give some kind of answer. If he makes up some wishy washy answer than forget him. however if you want to forget him and stop ending up "back where u started and falling for him" then you have to do something that you probably don't want to hear me say. cut contact. You can't move on from someone if you are talking to them everyday or hearing about their life. Sadly the NC (
no contact) is the best way to get over someone.
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