A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, My recent attempts for help have failed so i have come back another time for help. met the dreamgirl of my life, the problem was she had a really popular boyfriend. I have always had popular friends but im not that good looking. I had this girl worked up in my mind, we hadn't even met yet but she was an angel to me! Well i got a job at the local grocery store and she was working there too (which i didn't know) and she ask me my name and i was stumbling for words!! So as the time passed we became friends and i would listen to her problems. Her boyfriend was a jerk, but i was still no match to him!!! Well we texted three or four texts every now and then and i ask her if she liked me and she said yes but she didn't want to persue a relationship because she would rather have me as a friend and not lose me? We ended up having a relationship and things went great for about five months the boom, they started to fall out of place. I just dont know why. I really dislike her ex. (did i mention they dated for 3 years?) and they fight all the time, but she still texts him sometimes, am i stupid? Whats goin on? She said they fight and she hates him and all he does is hurt her, and she also said that i was the only one on her mond all the time? So somebody please help, my question is whats going on? Am i stupid and trying to not see something that i should? yours truly Desperado
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe also told me he isn't there for her anymore that he is a jerk and that i am on her mind all the time? She would be very angry if i just told her i was going to give her time, ive tried it before. She is so confusing but shew, i think i have found that first love, she tells me she loves me, idk i just need to know what i have to do to get through this, and possibly keep her too!!! IDK!!!!!!
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (23 November 2008):
 You don't say what went wrong in your relationship, or if you two are still together. That's fine, but know that if none of the factors that caused the breakup (if there was one, or falling-out if there was not) have changed, efforts to make things work again will be challenging at best and completely useless at worst.She dated this guy for three years. If she is in the same age range as you (16-17), that's a really long time and a substantial fraction of her life so far. Like it or not, it is probably not fair of you to expect that she can just snap her fingers and forget him or their past relationship. If you want a relationship with this girl, that is "emotional baggage" you will have to accept. Whether or not she is wrong to be texting him depends on what they say to each other--and this only if you and she are still together. If you aren't dating right now, then like it or not she can text him whatever she wants and it's not your business. It is possible, although not likely given their past history, that she sees him ONLY as a friend at this point. From personal experience, and from watching female friends make similar mistakes, there IS something some girls like about jerks. The fights with her ex probably don't allow her closure in their situation and so she can't truly forget about him...and so she keeps texting him, and so they keep fighting, and so she can't truly forget about him. See the cycle?You ask if you are stupid--you aren't. But I think you do need to either step back and give this girl time to make up her mind about what she's feeling, or move on and find someone else. Best of luck.
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