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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I woke up one night to my boyfriend masturbating in bed next to me. I feel this isnt normal for him to do this next to me while i was asleep. Am i right to feel upset or should i just let it go. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): Hey...you seem to come on here to start debates... and unknowing or knowingly use others words or quote from others which could be directly or indirectly a means to point out another's view as unworthy or insufficient because it is not to YOUR own personal standards...I am not you.
And no...I used WE to be inclusive.
A relationship is about WE and NOT ME. I will not say otherwise as to say it would be false.
I stand by my statement.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 December 2006):
 I think the women who responded to this post need to take the "we" out of the equation. Masturbating is something a person does to themself. It has nothing to do with the other person. If you are sexually fulfilled and your partner wants to masturbate at a particular moment, it's not your business. As far as doing it next to your mate, I wouldn't. But, at other times, a person is entitled to masturbate. It does not mean you partner doesn't satisfy you.
As for the previous reply, it's not about if we "get it" or not. We're different. Not better or worse, different. To tell a man, that we have to listen and practice self restaint, reminds me of my grandmother telling me when I could have a cookie.
Sex in a relationship is a two way street. It's not about "if men would only ...." To maintain a good partnership, it requires flexability and work. A person likes an enthusiastic partner. People want to feel desired. It's often said women want sex less as time goes on, after the marriage, kids etc. Men usually don't. At least not as soon. This is not carved in stone, but has some truth to it. We have different needs.
While men have to understand that perhaps his wife is tired tonight, she also has to understand that if she says that 8 out of 10 nights, it creates resentment and frustration. The person getting turned down has no where else to turn. It is much easier, if the relationship is solid, for the person with the lower sex drive to accommodate the person with the higher sex drive. Within reason of course. Why? Because it sex feels good. Many people, because it's so easy to say no, don't bother to get in the mood. You have to admit that it feels good, once you start.
This develops into a pattern and before you know it, the resentment builds. So, if you focus on your partners food qualities instead of feeling pestered when they approach you, you'll probably be happier in the relationship. Of course, for any of this to work, you must have a solid, caring relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Well, I think telling him how you feel is in order.
Do you, yourself even know why you are offended? Hurt?
Figure that out before you approach this subject with the BF.
I don't think men get it that most females find this an offense to their sexuality; that they are not enough.
A man would be offended by the mere suggestion that they just don't do it for you; ya know?
I see it as a double standard.
But this double standard can be tossed if a man would be willing to listen and hear that to practive some self restraint and not rely on self gratification...would do wonders for a woman and the relationship.
It comes down to open and effective communication. Nine times out of ten; when we (man or woman) are approached with a concern that we seem to be causing...we stop listening and become defensive and angry and the fighting ensues.
WE NEED TO LISTEN.
okay...I can only hope somewhere in this thought spew is some advice that can be discernable.
Best Wishes and Happy Holidays.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (26 December 2006):
 He probably did not want to wake you up, trying to be thoughful at the time. Guys feel horny, and like to masturbate there and then.
Personally, If I am asleep I would not enjoy being awaken mid of the night to make love. On the same token, if I was a awake, I would want to be asked!
You should only feel upset if he sais to you good night, I am tired, then wait for you to fall asleep then he masturbates. Only then he is cheating on you with his hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2006): you should be upset because he shouldn't be doing it while you were sleeping right next to him. if he really wanted it then he could've asked you. how would he feel if your were doing the same thing while he was sleeping right next to you? bad of course.
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A
female
reader, mjmoonwalker89 +, writes (23 December 2006):
 thats happened to me, but he was asleep at the time as well. i just laughed. its natural - he's a guy, it doesnt mean he's cheating on you. dont worry =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2006): I posted a question on the very same thing about my bf at the time. 'Type masturbation' and 'sleep' in to the search box at the top of this site and my question comes up under 1 November 2006. See the answers there. My bf was doing it before we became sexual and I didn't mind it, in fact I found it a turn-on, particularly that he didn't know I was aware he was doing it, although it did start to upset me when he was doing it at night after we had sex. I started feeling like I wasn't satisfying him.
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A
female
reader, DinaLeila +, writes (23 December 2006):
 Just let it go. It's not as if he was cheating he would do it anyway whether you were in the bed or not. He obviously was horny and wanted something but you were asleep and he had to self serve. Don't worry too much if it bothers you talk to him about it in a joking way and see the reaction you get and if it's negative then it's not something worth arguing about. But if it's a positive response then explain that you were uncomfortable.
He should be fine
Take Care and Good Luck x
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