A
male
age
51-59,
*uy619
writes:I would like advice on what must be a very common issue. My gf text me to say she was just finshing at work and that we would meet back at home. I went back from my work and arrived after about half hour. My gf came back 3 and half hours later. I asked her if anything was wrong or if things just took longer and she said that she had 'bumbped' in to a guy she knows and had gone for a drink with him.I said that it would have been helpful to get a text from her saying that she was going to do that and then I could have eaten. This made her very angry and she accused me of being jealous and posessive and of interviewing her with question after question. I didn't feel that I was.Later I found out that she had already decided to go for a drink with him before she text me to say 'I'm just finishing up lets meet at home'Should I be bothered by this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Totally inconsiderate of her. You have a right to be concerned when she says, "I'm finishing up and I'll meet you at home." Her defensiveness is guilt. She could have told you beforehand that she would stop by with this friend or could have called you from the pub to let you know that she would be late.Without proper communication the relationship is over. Trust me on this one. You shouldn't marry this girl until you are sure she can be reliable. Nothing more disgusting and terrible for a family than an irresponsible wife/mother.
A
male
reader, Guy619 +, writes (28 October 2009):
Guy619 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi RebelKaos, Thank you for your reply. I agree with you about individuality within a committed relationship. The reason I think this bothered me was because the normal understanding between us when either of us says we are finishing up and that e will meet at home is that we will be on our way so that we can cook and eat together.
The I agree that I could have asked her if she was doing anything else before coming home but that seems rather inquisitive and perhaps could be construed as intrusive, so I don't like ask questions like that. It works much better when the 'norm' is accepted and that the 'exception' is communicated otherwise one could get in to the situation of having to ask questions of any opossible eventuality just to understand what is going to happen.
I don't think she lied about going for a drink because she told me afterwards. But that was after 3.5 hours when she knew that the norm is that we will meet and eat together if we finish at a similar time.
I believe she lied about the fact that she knew she was going for a drink before texting me and telling me that she was just finishing up and that she would meet me at home. I'm not sure if I am getting my point across but hope I've clarified this. I would have had no problem with being told that she was going for a drink before heading back. That way I could have chosen to work longer, cook food ready for her return or eat alone If I needed to sleep early for work the next day.
Thank you for your response it is very welcome. I would appreciate you thoughts about this. Regards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): I would be, for sure. Friends are actual *friends* -- you don't hide them from your partner.
When "friends" (and plans with them) are hidden, there's something up.
And even if this IS someone you totally know about, it was inconsiderate of her not to give a quick call or text.
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