A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i think i'm reaching breaking point, i'm trying to bottle things up but i know soon enough it wont work anymorewhen ever i get close to guys i get scared.i was abused by a family member from the age of 11 however i repressed memories until my first sexual experiances, and now i find it very difficult to even get to the point to have sex nevermind enjoy it.2 long term bfs, 1 night stand and a guy i spent most nights with just cuddling and when we did have sex i had to stop because i started to cry.i get scared, i feel like its like they are using me and i get little pleasure from intercourse at allok i'm only just 19, but i'm frightened that this is going to stop me getting close to anyone in the future, i now stop relationships before they even start but i dont want to live like this, i want a family one day, a husband etci'm ok with oral, kissing, hugs, just actual sex is the problemmay sound weird but its making me doubt my sexuality, like it could just be all men that repulse me? but ok i know deep down thats not truei just want help, i'm not the sort to sleep around, i just feel really empty, i'm happy single at the moment but its the prospect i will be alone forever.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): thanks for your answer
i tried therapy, not for this issue, i was a carer for my mentally ill mum and couldnt handle that (suppose i'v picked up a few issues from those experiances too)
but it just didnt feel right opening up to a stranger, i hate talking about myself, the only reason i use this is because i dont have to look u guys in the face once i'v asked something
and i hate the title for this, men dont repulse me, there is a guy i'v liked for ages, i do like men just not having sex
well i want to like it, i have the appitite for it but when the 'act' happens i cant deal with it
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 October 2009):
Hi there,
No, it's not that men repluse you. You have been through so much at a young age, and you haven't come to terms with it at all. Of course you're going to be scared of sex if you've been abused this way. And any understanding man will understand this. The important thing here is that you've seen that there is a problem, and it's not going away, which is a great step forward. Well done for not sleeping around, that would have made you feel much worse about it all. I do think there is only one way to really face this, and that's to see a therapist, even if you really don't want to. They can help you talk about what has happened, undetstand what has happened and offer better solutions to you, because they'll get to know you personally. It is important you do see someone for help, because if you don't the probllem won't go away, it's likely to get worse. Take your time and really give yourself love and care. You'v been through a lot, and now you need to face it bravely and come to terms with it all. Eventually, you will meet a guy who will really love you, and you'll want to keep him, so when you do, take a lot of time getting to know him so you're sure of him, and let him get to know you too. All the best.
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