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Am I nuts for staying with this little boy for security?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 June 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, *ittlesuziepie writes:

Ok. Here is my deal now. I have a 12 year old and her father and me usto fight like crazy when she was little so we broke up. I didn't date seriously for 7 seven years. I finally let someone love me and this kid is a bastard.

My daughter has already seen him go nuts on me. He is so selfish. He threatens me all the time.I know I don't love him. I won't trust another man again. Well ill be surprised if I do. I'm sick of the bull. He makes bad decisions and always regret it in the end. So when he who gets drug tested randomly decided he can smoke pot again...spend our money on it I got pissed off.

I told him so many times don't jeperdise our future like that. But now I'm his mom. He hates me I nag and suck. Until I tell him to leave my house then I'm right and he will change. Now this time. I was having a hard time with my kid and my mom...she is very opinionated and makes me feel like dirt most times. So I'm crying and this kid says to me I'm leaving to buy weed. I looked at him and he said I don't need your shit and left. He was surprised that I was pissed and you know it wasn't so much he was smoking pot it was he ran out on me when I needed him and I felt like he knew that would cause shit between us so why choose right then to do it. Now I'm upset due to everyone I'm closest to.

Then I let it go. I was asleep before he came home and I got up for work and reset the alarm clock for him. I do it everyday because he is too lazy to get up An hour earlier with me. And I figured he had money in his pocket since he took money when he went to get his grass anyways I didn't even think does he have money or not and I get a text while I'm at work about how selfish I am that I didn t check and make sure he had money today. He also told me how much of a bitch I am and blah blah blah. He got a ride to work from my best friend and talked crap about me the entire way there. I got home and my daughter let me know she heard him saying BAd stuff about me before he left.

And I am stuck because we have so many bills I can't do this alone. I probably could but I'm not positive. The car is under his name but for a year and a half we paid together on the loan and insurance and the last 4 months he wasn't working so I paid the bills alone and he keeps saying we break up and the car is mine. He always trys to take the car and leave me no way to get to work. I'm stressed. Anyone know a good cheep car salesmen? Am I nuts or alone for staying with this little boy for security?

View related questions: at work, best friend, broke up, money, text

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (19 June 2008):

lexilou agony auntChuck him out now!!!

You HAVE beome his mum in this relationship and you wouldnt put up with this behaviour from your daughter now would you?

He is never going to change in this relationship as it is too late for that now. Im not sure on the legalities but if you can prove you have paid for the car on your own you may have some rights. Can you get free advice on these matters (here in UK we can)?

Dont give up on men, you just havent met the right one this time but you really do need to get rid of him as soon as possible x

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A female reader, littlesuziepie  United States +, writes (19 June 2008):

littlesuziepie is verified as being by the original poster of the question

littlesuziepie  agony auntThank you Daniel. I have thought and dreamed about how it would be with an older man. He would know what to say when to say it. His ego would be tamed enough to think of my feelings before saying something. He would be great with my daughter as a friend and good influence. I wouldn't have to direct him in life. Help make his decisions for him. Warn him of his mistakes. Oh the wonders of an older man. I wouldn't know. I have only loved once been in two serious relationships my whole life and they were both younger. This one now is 5 years younger than I am. Younger than my kids father. The same age he was when we broke up. I didn't learn the lesson that time but I have learned it now. I still can't break it off so easily. He just looks so helpless and sad when I have been fed up with his shit. Ahhhh. Why! I have to be stronger than this I am stronger than this.

I won't give up on men. I just hope the next one is the right one.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (19 June 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI think you're staying with this little boy because you don't want to be lonely. What you want, as a saying of ours goes, is "a little dog that will bark at you".

You're not his mum. I think you would do well in leaving him. My guess is that he's more of a burden than help. And, if you need the little dog, I bet you can get a Chihuahua somewhere. They tend to eat less than spoiled people :-).

Don't be that mistrusting of all men. Some men are good guys, believe it or not.

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