A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have known each other since we were 12 years old and liked each other since 12 years old but only dated for the last 3 1/2 years. We are both 24 years old. He is turning 25 next Feb and I am turning 25 next May. We have been through so much together: breakups, cheating, military leave, school, internships, LONG distance relationahip(domestic and international), family problems, financial problems, etc. but we are still so madly in love with each other. Also I must mention, we have been faithful to each other completely the last two years. We were quite young and immature when we first dated, mostly on his end.So as you can see we came a long way and the best part is that we got through the obstacles and climbed to the top and our love and bond is so strong. We are each other's best friend.My question now is WHEN ARE WE GOING TO Take it to the next level and get ENGAGED!!??. I really wanted it until recently he told me he did not want to. I felt really hurt by it. Spent all night crying. I felt like I gave him every thing but he still wont take it to the next level. At the same time I do not want to push him and I want a proposal to be from the heart and to be what he wants as well. Now I'm scared if he does ask, it will be more so to please me than him wanting it as well... I'm so confused.I guess what I am asking is Am I rushing it? Is 3 1/2 years too soon? Is 24 years old too young? If he doesn't see his life with me now, will he ever? Must I walk away now so to not put another couple of years into it for nothing?I've been feeling pretty hurt by the whole thing, maybe because I've given him my ALL... I'm a good catch, I am loyal, I take care of him, I moved cross country to be with him. I do believe I am a beautiful person inside and out, I am affectionate, caring, genuine.. always looking out for his best interest, make sure he eats healthy, make sure he takes care of himself, tell him I love him everyday... He is in the military and infidelity is common amongst military relationships but I am willing to be true to him in the long haul..always have always will!! I don't know why he's not ready to take the next step and make this commitment to me... I really don't know! Any advice woould be nice. Thank you so much for reading my rambling..
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best friend, engaged, immature, infidelity, long distance, military Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe will be back from desert training in a few days.. finally!!! Thank goodness. I definitely plan on talking more in depth about this!!! Thank you.
A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (18 October 2009):
I hear your pain while reading this post. I see that you love him dearly. I wish for you that he would propose so that you can feel secure in this relationship and know that you have a definite future with him and that all your hard work on this relationship is worth it all in the end. I think you deserve to be proposed to. You are not too young, and three years is definitely long enough to know whether or not this is right. If he said he is not ready, did you ask him why? What reasons did he give you? I would like to know what his reasons are....
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, English is not my first language. I didn't mean long haul excluding short haul. I will love him always and forever.
In the 3 1/2 years that we were together, he has been unfaithful but i have not. There was one time where i thought of swaying but in the end I can not see myself in bed next to someone else. He's the only person I can see myself with.
I hope that clarifies things.
Thanks for all the feedbacks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): If getting getting engaged is the next level then what level is divorce ?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 but I am willing to be true to him in the long haul... what about the short haul?
and willing to be true implies a FUTURE action. Not a situation that is going on right now.
I also notice you been dating 3.5 years but only beeen faithful to each other for 2. 1.5 years of non-faithful dating? Being completly faithful now means you two wear completly NOT faithful before...
always have always will! But you haven't always been faithful have you?
Maybe reading way to much between the lines but many times in posts like yours, that is where the truth is to be found.
I get the impression that you two sort of ended up together because... it was the easiest alternative. I see no clear "Oh I love him/her so much I am now exclusively with him/her until the day I die." For the evidence, read above for all the indications that neither of you was committed until two years ago, a short period of time for the 12 years you have known each other.
Why did you two hesistate for so long to be true to each other, even AFTER you two decided to start dating? Could it be, that you sorta took each other for granted (or at least that he is).
The way you describe taking care of him it almost sounds like you are his wife already. Why should he propose if he already feels married to you?
Your simplist course of action might be to simply make it clear that you are not yet his wife and that this means he does not get all the perks, yet.
To put it old fashioned, you don't buy the cow, you don't get the milk.
To be a little bit more nice about it, sometimes we get so comfortable with what we got, we forget about the future. It might simply not have occured to him before.
No, you TELLING him did not help, he hadn't thought about it and probably thought "we got a good thing, why change it". You spend 12 years with this guy, you should by now have a clue as to his personality. Is he just avoiding making a decision because things are allright for him as they are or is he really just not willing to commit (to you)?
As said, I never got a moment in your history were you two fell madly in love with each other. More a feeling of "well I am tired of the dating game, lets settle for the girl/guy next door until..."
Because you ask wether 3.5 years is to soon or 24 is. What I would ask is. Is 1.5 years not a bit to late for dating to turn exclusive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Hmmm why dont you propose to him?Bet he says yes.
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