A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a very dear male friend who I have known for about a year now. He helps me a lot with jobs around my house and we go out together for days or evenings.About 6 months ago he asked me for a relationship and I said no, I don't fancy him as more than a friend and he is much older than me (20 years). He was disappointed, but we've stayed friends and he still helps me and we still go out.He told me recently that he met another woman about 4 months ago and that he has been seeing her every few weeks, they also go out for days and evenings. Although he says that they are just friends, he must like her to continue to see her and he told me yesterday (probably by mistake) that he thinks about her a lot when he's not with her. I think that she might be closer to him in age.I can't help but feel jealous of the time he spends with her, and I am worried that his feelings might be moving towards her. I know it sounds daft, but I feel that she might be stealing him away from me. I'm still not sure if I want a relationship with him, but I don't want to lose him.Do you think he might be going off me, and that he might like her more than he likes me? If I tell him that I've decided that I would like a relationship with him, do you think he would still want it now that he has met this other woman?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2015): Yes - probably.
I am the same age group as you & the same thing happened to me - I turned a guy down who was looking for a relationship - as I wasn't that interested - then he got with a friend & now I'm regretting what I've lost!
You are lucky he still wants to keep in touch - some guys up & run once they are given a knock back!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 You've told him you don't want a relationship, he accepted that, you need to accept that he DOES want a relationship, I think you changing your mind is less about you now wanting a relationship and more about you not wanting to change the status quo.
If he has been lucky enough to find a lady he likes who DOES want to be in a relationship, unlike you, then you should, as a friend, be happy for him and not selfish.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 You've already said no to a relationship, you mention the age difference and the only reason you're considering entering telling him you've changed your mind is because you are jealous of her.
Perhaps the kind thing to do, and what I rather hope a true friend would do, is to be happy he's met someone he fancies and who fancies him back. Thank him for his companionship and company and then go find a man you do fancy and want a relationship with.
You are keeping him from reaching a mutually satisfying relationship if you cling on, and honestly, his presence in your life is keeping you from meeting someone yourself.
We have no way of knowing if he's going off you, but common sense suggests he wants a romantic relationship, you said 'no' to that, so why wouldn't he pursue other women? He may fancy her as much as he fancied you but at the end of the day, that doesn't really matter, does it? Unless your sense of self-worth is based on keeping a man around even if you don't like him in that romantic way?
I think you should prepare to lose his companionship to her, or if not her, someone else. You can always learn to do jobs around your house yourself, you know. There are DIY shows and centres with experts who can teach and guide you in what needs doing.
I wouldn't dangle the carrot of a relationship with you in front of him unless you are absolutely certain that you want that.
This could be your wake up call too, perhaps you just needed another woman to fancy him in order to realize he's attractive in that romantic way? It happens.
Whatever you do, be a dear friend to him and let him go if that is what is best for him and you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2015): I think that the bond you and him share is much stronger than the bond he shares with the new lady he just meet a few months ago. However, I do encourage you to know exactly what you want from him before asking him to enter into a relationship. Because your feelings may only be that of afraid of being alone and not really interest in having a serious relationship with him. So ask yourself: what it is you want from him? If you decide that you want to be in a relationship with him then take a chance and ask him. I think he would easily reject her to be with you.
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