A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfreind who I loved very much broke up last week. Safe to say I am devastated.She told me her feelings just were not the same anymore. She felt she loved me but only as a freind and she was not in love with me. I personally think love takes time to develop but she didn't see it this way.I debated whether or not to fight for her and I did. Eventually I got her to agree to take some time apart and see how we both feel.My worry is that I am just extending my heart break for her to turn around and tell me the same thing again.This came out of nowhere as I thought we were happy.Any advice would be great
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male
reader, EyesofJag +, writes (11 March 2014):
WiseOwlE is very much correct about feelings of withdrawal from a breakup of a relationship that seemed like it was meant to be forever. I know exactly what you are going through. I was told to have space only to be dumped about a month later. Turns out that she wanted to date her coworker, but she insisted that she didn't feel like we were gonna work out.I'm not suggesting your ex is cheating or has cheated, just telling you my story. Fighting for her to stay on board was what I constantly tried to do, and continued to do after she broke up with her coworker (just after 3 weeks). What ended up happening for me at the end of my saga is I would completely ignore her (because I was fed up with always wanting her attention and getting just a mere text message) and she ended up looking for me...but I had honestly moved on emotionally.From that breakup, I learned a lot about myself and it gave me more self respect. I also came to peace with the break up and realized that my ex just didn't know what she wanted as far as relationships were concerned. I feel very indifferent towards her now.Remind yourself that there are people who care about you. There are strangers here trying to help you out and maintain positivity. That's wonderful!I came on this website because of my breakup. That was more than 6 years ago. It'll be fine, as long as you believe in it and embrace your desire to be happy.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 March 2014):
Dear OP,
Sometimes, you can fight for love. If there are obstacles in the way, like long distance, disagreeing family clans, different cultures etc.
But you can't fight for a love that's just not there, is unrequited, gone.
You can't fight to make her feel the same way you do. Yes, in hollywood movies this might work, the guy stays around long enough and makes romantic gestures and then the woman falls in love. But that's usually before a relationship has started and just because the woman was too closed-minded and didn't see who the hero "really" was.
She has seen who you are, OP, and decided she only sees you as a friend. It's hard. It's very very hard to be rejected like this, especially if you didn't see it coming. But yes, you are extending your heartbreak if you hold on to this. At least that's my prognosis, judging from the information I have.
My advice is to let go. Maybe, when you're feeling better, you can take some time to think why this relationship went bad, why the feelings changed, why it ended. If there were signs the love was fading, or if your ex secretly fell in love with someone else, or if she was never that much in love with you. It will help you not to go through the same again.
But for now, call your best friends, go out, try to have fun and forget her for as many hours a day as possible. Work out, do everything to look good and feel good. This isn't the end of your life. You're going to love and be happy again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2014):
 It didn't come out of nowhere for her, she has been feeling detached from you for a while. If she says she is not in love with you, your hanging on and hoping she'll suddenly fall in love isn't going to produce the desired result.
I think you are postponing the inevitable.
You are in the bargaining mode of the stages of grief. Google 'stages of grief' for more insight into that process, or you could start with this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-out/201309/the-5-stages-grieving-the-end-relationship
I know it's a tough time for you right now but you can learn something from it and in the end, if you approach it right, it could end up with you in a much better relationship.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): She is only taking a break to get away from you; meanwhile, you're giving her a head-start in moving on. She will not change her mind, you are postponing your inevitable breakup.
By clinging to hope, you are delaying the time you need to start detaching and getting through the recovery process.
Recovery after a breakup is agonizing. It is literally compared to withdrawal from an addictive drug. All the
same brain-chemicals are activated that occur with drug-addiction. Your brain chemically-bonded through your emotional-connection. Now the source (dealer) of all your bonding brain-chemicals and endorphins is being taken away.
Your mind and subconscious must adjust to the shock, and the grief. It's already happening; because you know the real outcome of all this. She isn't coming back.
You will not survive on wishful thinking; and all the pleading will only make it harder on you. She will do things out of pity; but not love. They are not the same thing. You can pity a total stranger.
Prepare yourself, and comeback to us for comfort and support.
Go to your closest of friends and your family to fill in the emptiness. Let yourself grieve and allow the emotions to run their course. It's healthier to let go, and accept the truth. Do yourself a favor and breakup with her. Time to set your mindset for the roller-coaster of emotions you will endure through the detachment and withdrawal process.
You are just extending your heartbreak as you instinctively know.
I wrote some articles. I've been through it. It took time and determination. It isn't easy. I survived it all the same. I'm the one who got dumped. I help others.
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