A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About five years ago I met a guy, and we became close friends almost instantly. I've helped him through so many things and he always swore he'd never had a better friend than me. Cracks are starting to show in our friendship though, and he doesn't seem to realise the problems. I first saw them when I developed feelings for him back in February, but I didn't say anything to him about my thoughts because I put them down to jealousy. The months went past and they didn't go away, he treated me like I had no feelings. I was always his last resort when wanting to go somewhere. And yet he claims our friendship is brilliant.I thought I'd gotten over him in August, but I realised the past Friday that I hadn't. It was my birthday, quite a special one. The week before he invited me to a house party on the same night my birthday would fall on; so he'd forgotten. I pulled him up about it and he babbled about a surprise party for me. It's bullshit though, excuse the language, because quite frankly he isn't one to do something like that or be so considerate. Then the days leading up to my birthday he kept telling me how he'd gone out the previous night and got my presents, he told me that three times. So really it means he'd gotten me three presents, right? He gave me a balloon, that was it. We planned to go out the next day, just us two, and see something at the cinemas. I text him the night before, my birthday, and he ignored it. So on the Saturday I went out shopping and when I came back in he asked what I'd done and I told him. Then he said 'you should have text me, I would've came'. I then explained how I had text him but he ignored it. He makes up some story about being at football and not reading it, but he's a guy with a lot of girl attention, he would've checked it between Friday and Saturday night. Then I was talking to his ex, who I've become quite friendly with, and he began ignoring me on MSN. But still talking to her fine. I said 'fuck it' and went offline. He sent me an offline message claiming he'd been in the shower. I pulled him up about talking to his ex perfectly fine and he rambled more lies to me. Now this guy is unstable with relationships, he has a new love interest each week and claims they're the real deal each time. It used to be amusing until I had to clean up the mess and watch these poor girls get hurt time and time again. I convinced him to just cut ties with all girls and sort himself out instead of breaking hearts, he promised he would. Tonight, I find out his ex asked him out last night and he accepted, telling her he'd liked her for a while. He hadn't, I know about the three girls he'd liked in the past couple of weeks and she definitely didn't come up in any of the conversations. Along with the obvious cracks showing in our friendship, and me being a last resort or just someone to complain about his 'hard' life too, I want to know why he accepts any offers from other girls. But when he found out about my feelings for him, he turned them down. Sure, I'm not gorgeous but I am far from revolting. I've lost about two stone in the past six months too so I don't understand the problem here. Can somebody please explain? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 October 2009):
 It's simple...you like him more than he likes you. In order to stay close to him to have whatever attention he chooses to give, you are picking up and getting involved in his every waking move. Why would you care how he makes other girls feel? Why would you be in touch with his ex only to find out he wants to get back with her. Why give him any advice at all...it's a bit like being his surrogate mother.
This guy can pick you up, put you down, ignore you and mistreat you any way he chooses and it is YOu who lets him. Every guy (mostly single guys) like to have a few admirers in the bag. Not girls they are remotely attracted to but girls who give a temporary boost.
He very obviously does not consider you in any way shape or form as a potential partner or girlfriend...and believe me I know how crappy that makes you feel. Women always hope that men will change but the sad truth is that they do not.
Remind yourself that you are not his mother. He doesn't want you as a girlfriend or even treat you as a decent friend. Ask yourself if you truly want or need him in your life when, whatever you try to get closer to him is always going to fail.
If his claims that your friendship is brilliant...why is he treating you like crap, avoiding you and ignoring you? Brilliant for him, I guess, having someone to sort out all his problems with no input from him. Not so brilliant for you...because obviously you feel troubled over the whole deal...and he doesn't even care.
Cut your losses girl, boot him out of your life and move on to better things. Your worth so much more and you will eventually meet someone who knows how to treat you with respect.
Aunty Em xxx
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