A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like a horrible person. I'm in such a mess. I had a bad break-up and I met a guy online who I poured my soul out to. He was married to a woman who he hated and she hated him. She verbally and sometimes physically abused him (throwing things at him, he had bruises.) she told him she wished he was dead. He helped me a lot and seemed better for me than my ex. One day he said he was in my town when I was out shopping. We agreed to meet, he kept trying to get me to kiss him, I said no because he was married. I ended up meeting him again but stood my ground and refused. The third time, I gave in, he told me he was definitely going to leave her for some reason I thought it made it okay. It went onto mild fooling around, I didn't have full sex or oral sex with him. We only met 6 times. He was obsessed with me I'm guessing this is what gave me a lift. My ex recently put his dating profile up, I realise he was better for me. I made a horrible mistake and I know my ex would look down on me. Am I horrible or justified because their relationship was dead? They weren't having sex. She was sleeping with about three people when she first started seeing him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): I had never done anything that bad before. The guy knows where I live (I think) and he is likely to go a bit mental if I get another boyfriend. I didn't even find him attractive. I feel ashamed, I lied to my parents as well.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 December 2013):
 First of all, it doesn't MATTER how sucky his marriage was/is. CHEATING in never a good idea, and it certainly won't fix a marriage, broken or not.
"Dating" or making out with a married guy (no matter WHAT story he tells you) is never a good idea either. Because IN THE END the one who will get hurt is YOU. Married people who are looking to cheat will say whatever they THINK will get them laid. Like She/He doesn't like sex, we hate each other, we just haven't filed for divorce, she/he cheated on me, we are only together for the kids, the mortgage, the church, the family...... The whole "WOE is me " story. Don't be naive and think his rotten marriage is a good enough reason to partake is destroying a marriage a little further.
My advice, stay away from married men. And DO not go back to an ex if it didn't work before it most likely will NOT work again. THERE was a reason you two broke up and... THERE are more guys out there, who are SINGLE.
Take a little time to figure out what you REALLY want out of a guy and a relationship. Don't jump from one guy to the next. YOU can actually be single and happy.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (6 December 2013):
 You're neither, honestly. While it's clear his marriage had major problems long before you were in the picture, no mitigating circumstance (his bad marriage, his desire to leave, his wife's abuse and infidelity, the fact you didn't actually have sex) can completely cancel out the fact that you knew he was married and chose to meet up with him anyway. I think on some level you already understand this and that's why it continues to bother you.
BUT, and this is really important, BUT that *doesn't* make you a horrible person. It makes you a human being who made an imperfect choice. What your ex (or anyone else) would have to say about it doesn't really matter. There may be people out there who manage to get through life without ever making a decision they regret later, but I've yet to meet one.
Take the lessons you have learned from this for what they are worth, forgive yourself, and move on. Try not to check up on what your ex is doing - he's your ex for a reason, and every moment you spend thinking about what he's up to is a setback to the process of healing from the original breakup.
Good luck and best wishes as you move forward :)
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