A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I took my boyfriend to Las Vegas for his birthday.On our second night we were all dressed up and waiting for a bus to go to a show when some guys in a car started screaming to get my attention. I just looked back and asked them if they were out of their minds as I was standing by my boyfriend then I turned around and faced my boyfriend. My boyfriend looked a bit shocked then he looked at me and said "" They must have thought that you are a HOOKER""... I could not believe it.. he is a very respectful person and it was not just like him saying anything like that..I was so shocked and upset and as soon as he saw that I was upset, he was like I was just kidding!!!then he turned the table around and was so mad and upset at me to be mad at him!!!he sat at the bus stop and did not want to go anywhere but the hotel as he said I made him so upset when I got upset when he called me a hooker!!!!! So my question is "" Am I crazy to be upset about my boyfriend saying that I get the attention from men because they think I am a hooker or is he just a low class crazy man who has been hiding his true personality under this nice sweet guy for a year???"""Pls: I am freaking out as I am renting my place out and moving in with him in 15 days!!!!Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): Thank you all for answering my question.WOW..Collaroy, I think you are so right...Now when I think about other times,everytime something happens and that makes me upset he always turns it around and gets mad because I am upset....""""he is not prepared to own up to his actions"""
Tommy07,this happened about 2 weeks ago. to me it did not sound like a joke at all..the fact that he got mad after me being upset and I had to appologize and try to make him to not be mad was the worse part of the situation. maybe as Collary said if he was all sorry and all I would have felt better but he was not and thought I was making a big deal out of it..And yes I am getting cold feet!! I am an educated independent woman who has a good professional office job and I have my stuff together...so I am super scared to move in as this was the first time that he said something like that in past year but other than that he plays and coaches hockey and plays baseball so he is busy every single night..last year when we met he promised to stop coaching this year but this yaer when he agreed to coach again and I was upset he turned the table around and was so mad at me wanting to balance his hobbies/sports and our life.The fact that I can not talk to him about my feelings and he gets mad all the time if I am upset about something makes me very scared moving in with him. I have to admit that other than these he is a very caring guy.he cooks for me all the time,takes me out for dinner and I can trust him 100% which is a big deal...I am just so confused....:(
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I think the major issue here is not the fact he called you a hooker but his reaction afterwards.
We men say some pretty stupid things sometimes, and if its a one off you should be able to put it in that list of really stupid insensitive things which make a girl feel bad about herself.
As a man there is only one road to travel when you have done something like this - total complete grovelling apology. Flowers, promises, the works...please forgive me your my angel type of stuff. The fact that he turned it around to make it your problem is a worry. He has been confronted with a case of his own stupid behaviour and he is not prepared to admit it. This says something about him as a person - he is not prepared to own up to his actions. If you were my friend and told me this story i would advise not to move in with him until he explains his behaviour - you need an explanation as he could be laying out the groundrules for when you move in ..i.e he's the boss.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 Not being able to view the situation myself makes it a little difficult to really analyze if he was just joking around. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he was just joking with you, but it's difficult to know for sure. You weren't certain he was joking. Does he usually joke around like that? You say this was a little out of his character? Maybe that's what brought on your reaction.
What he said was the sort of thing you shouldn't say, unless you make it 100% clear that it was said as a joke. So, I suppose you have good reason to be mad, but at the same time, don't overreact, because it would be a shame for a relationship to crumble over a poorly executed joke.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (17 October 2007):
How long ago did this happen? Have there been other incidents? He probably felt comfortable with you and felt let down when you got mad over his inocent comment. Are you now just getting cold feet?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): I think that you should wait before moving in.Hooker is a tough word to be utteret just like that. My bf(who i dumped btw)was also insisting that i do not put my red lipstick on my lips and do not dress at night so "loosely" coz others might think im hooker! Might think, appered it was just what he thought of , and after some time he started acting sillly, trying to adopt me into his standards.of course, forgot that i have good background and education and no matter if i dress like that somethimes never allowed to be treated like that. And he appeared to be a farmer boy(no insluting at all ) but narrow minded surely, and that he visited prostitutes also came out after. Think before moving into. If he will come to say that word again to you or not, i would make myself sure.
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