A
female
age
30-35,
*ennilessDreams
writes:I've been in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 6 months now - we've both decided to keep it open since I am rather indifferent to long distance relationships(for the fact I've had both good and bad long distant experiences) and he just flat out doesn't like it, but he's accepted the fact that we are more or less still in a relationship because he truly cares about me.The problem isn't really between us, while we have our squabbles over miscommunication from being so far away and fighting over insecurities and doubts, we're, for the most part, stable. The thing is, I'm physically and totally attracted to this other guy who's about 8 years older than me (I'm 18.) While my more/less boyfriend competes me emotionally and mentally, he's a virgin (and while some girls would slap me for groaning about this - he doesn't think about sex as often as most guys and doesn't find it as interesting, he cares about what's on the inside - in which I love and almost loathe about him) and I've got strong gut urges from not only phone sex and cybering that he just doesn't turn me on. (I know it doesn't compare to real sex but my instincts are pushing on me.)Even though in some terms I'm young, I know exactly what I like and want from sex and this other guy gives me exactly what I want. I don't want to nor was I raised to think that sex is a foundation of a relationship but from my own experiences, once it's brought into a relationship - it's good to keep a healthy sex life.Should I feel some sort of remorse or pain at the thought I am "cheating" on my 'boyfriend' because currently I don't but I do feel as if I am betraying him in some way?
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female
reader, PennilessDreams +, writes (26 October 2007):
PennilessDreams is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your input! It has helped me, I know the open part is what really gives it leeway (I don't condone cheating or really understand the point, so I never would.)
I have a family member, my sister to be exact that suddenly, she's against me with this other guy - saying I'm more so wrong and I'm hurting my boyfriend but I've told my boyfriend, more or less that if he wanted a girlfriend, one near him, then go ahead. I don't restrict him to just me for the very fact that we are in a long distance relationship and as humans and still teenagers, we have needs.
My doubts flared up more so when my sister started putting these doubts in my head. I'm young, you know. And while it would be like some fairytale to truly be with my boyfriend and such and with work it could happen but life is life. Reality and all...
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (25 October 2007):
 I think technically the answer has to be no because you say at the top that you have agreed the relationship will be open so the possibility that you may engage with somebody else sexually is implicit in that agreement.
However, I think you may feel like you are cheating on your long-distance boyfriend because your feelings are so strong for him and the situation is a bit ambigous. It may well be that rather than a lover you have in him a really close companion and friend but especially if he doesnt turn you on I think you have to think seriously about what future you two have and whether it is more of a friendship you have. Hope that helps. Take care.
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