A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm really torturing my mind now and I do not know how to move-on quickly and forget all this emotional pain that I'm experiencing.I have two (2) concerns.1. I'm in a relationship right now with my girlfriend and we are already 10-years. In seems that I'm not seeing any direction. I felt that everything is still unclear to both us. I asked her to marry me last year unfortunately her US petition arrives so we have to stop everything. Sadly there is a problem. She was diagnosed for a disease and she is currently on a treatment. It seems that somebody/something is trying to stop us from getting married. Our relationship now is full of problem and I'm not sure if I only stay with her because I'm obligated because she needs someone on her side with all this problem. Am I being unfair if left her in the middle of all this trials in her life?2. Just recently I fell in-love to this beautiful, intelligent and married woman. She knows my feeling towards her and I know she also have something for me which she does not want to tell but obvious in all her messages (e.g. YM/SMS). I already decided and told her that I will distance for a while, since I do not want to be unfair with his husband and kid. But how will I move on fast so I can stop remembering her everytime.Thanks and I appreciate all your advices.
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female
reader, Mia Rio  +, writes (30 May 2008):
its clear you don't want to be with your girlfriend so there is no point in making yourself miserable being with her, life is to live not to be unhappy. It is hard due to the fact that she is ill but if you stay on really good terms with her and still offer her your support and friendship you may find that that is what she needs more than a miserable boyfriend. You clearly cannot be with this married woman for 2 reasons a) she has a family b) that would hurt your girlfriend and that is the last thing she needs to feel cheated on - so to speak.
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (30 May 2008):
 i think your trying to put all your problems behind you as opose to solving them hence why your mind is all over the place..do you think even if this married woman had feeling for you would she risk loosing her family ? do both of you have unfufilled lifes that you need something else ? if your gf ddnt have all these problems would you ? you got to take time out and think about all of this..just because its getting rough doesnt mean you should run..do you love your gf ? and can her disease be cured ? and if it was cured do you still want her ? you need to ask yourself alot of questions right now about your situation with your gf..and as for the married woman thats asking for more problems if you ask me.. thats my opinion aphex x
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A
female
reader, mbiling  +, writes (30 May 2008):
You have been with your girlfriend for 10 years, if you can't stay with her because shes got some disease and other obstacles thrown in your way, than maybe its not real love. Love- someone who will stand with you until the end, whether your fat, skinny, pretty, bad, mean, no matter what. Look deep in yourself and ask yourself, if you had the disease, if you were having problems what would you want? Don't stay because you feel sorry for her, put all that aside. diseases can cure, problems can be solved but will your feelings still be the same? If she didnt have this disease or problems, and you were cheating on her with this other woman, what would you feel than? I think you should do seperate for awhile and tell her, you need to think things over for a few days and than tell her you need to talk to her, heart to heart. I hope all goes well. As for the woman whose married, if her husband finds out her life will go down the drain, and I dont think she will leave her family for you. do you think she will? maybe your going back into those days, because deep down something is unfullfilling in your relationship with your gf, maybe you have a no sex life recently? ask yourself what you want. k, take care.
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