A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:I'm frustrated cos the guy I'm dating doesnt know how to balance career, fam etc. He told me hes either 0 - 100 % about things and once hes 100 - thats all he focuses on..which usually applies to work.Recently hes been tryin to get a job, a car etc. He has previous duis and a mess of past crap that hes finally dealing with.He got a car, has been working and drinking a lot less (seems like he had a lil bit of a drinkin prob but has tamed it).We didnt see each other for a wk (we talk/see each other frequently normally). He was so happy to see me and was surprised that I've stuck by him this whole time despite the fact he didnt have a car, job and is having fam probs.He says im a genuine person and very rare.Also said that im such a good person,cant understand why I'm with him, when I saw him recently w/ his new car he made it seem like I was uninterested in his new car. I told him I liked it and was stoked for him/proud of him.He took me for a ride in it but before doing so felt the need to make sure I enjoy doing things like that.. which I found silly..it's like he thinks I dont like him or things he likes etc.. maybe its insecurity.Anyhoo aside from all this I hate the fact that the only time he msgs or calls me is when we're goin to hang out. I'd like it if he just called or msged to say hello or tell me how hes doing. I understand he has a lot going on w/ his fam (fam member dying) but I dont want to be shut out. I dont think we need to hang out but i think we should at least talk occassionally. Am I being selfish? I msged him a cpl of times nothing that needed a reply but the last msg I had asked that he call/msg me the following day (today) when hes awake/free to lemme know how hes doing and I havent heard anything - its been a day..usually he gets back.(sorry for rambling.) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (31 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question its funny that u said for me not to feel like a made a mistake..because shortly after i msged him..i felt that way.
but now im not & im sure that feeling will come and go aswell as being sad...cos i am currently sad but at the same time thats another feelin that passes..cos its his fault..not mine.. i wasnt the one who was inconsistent, cant balance and a completely asshole when it came to my feelings.argh he angers me (im still mad if u couldnt already tell).haha. anyway thanks for replying. i def will go out and have fun :)
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (31 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE: so after I had left the voicemail/last comment on here.. he had msged me to let me know that he was fine, hes doin a yard sale for his grandma etc.first he said he might msg the next day and then later said that he would (he never did though). I was surprised because normally he does..so I let it be..& its got been a week and a cpl of days since we talked. I was by his house tonight kinda late (my friend lives down the st - thats who i met him through) anyhoo i noticed his car wasnt there.. so I got annoyed because he hasnt msged/called over a wk and hes prob out w/ buddies drinkin it up and chose to have a buddy drive his car so that he could drink. I left him a txt saying that i was in the area/saw his car wasnt there..guessin hes out partying & that he said he'd msg but never did & guess he was just bsing when he said he wanted to be in my life/be friends no matter what & that I feel that I'm right when I said that now that he has a car he will no longer need me (not that i did him favors when he was carless but i always picked him up and we hung out) and will prob no longer care & then i said im an idiot for caring. he'll prob read the msg and think im crazy.. or whatever..
but u know what? its not normal to see/talk to someone daily.act like u care,want them around u and then once u decide to get ur shit together and get a car/have a family crisis.. then u disappear and dont even bother to shoot a hello msg or anything? thats just ridiculous. i let it slide for awhile and understood not being able to hang but hes being a shitty bf/faux bf or friend.
so im over it.fuck that.
...............................
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (22 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni called and left him a voicemail asking whats up..and sayin as usual that i worry etc..and that we used to talk all the time and hardly talk now .. thats its fine if we cant see each other but itd still be nice to talk sometimes and see how one another is doing.. anyhoo i forgot everything i said.. it was nice/not too bad. i havent heard anything back.so i dunno if he's gonna ignore me or what the deal is ..but if he does choose to be lame and ignore me..then he can suck it. lol
thanks for all the replies.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): Well he's put you in a situation which u can't do anything...which is what you should do..nothing. A shame..you do seem very interested in him but I don't know what to say...you can't force more out of him and the more you push, even if he does comfort you, it won't be genuine.
Don't do anything. As far as you are concerned, you are single so before you start losing you mind, get out there and have some fun, get yur social life going a little more. Yeah you do like him and I can see u hope he will come around but...I don't think this friendship is mutual.
...............................
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (21 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not with him just because.. I like him alot & despite his past/stuff hes goin through right now.. i wanna be there for him but I also dont want to be shut out.
Considering ive already told him to msg/call and lemme know how hes doing etc..and he hasnt - should i just wait it out or should i call him and let him know that it bothers me and see what the deal is?
i basically start to worry and think hes ignoring me etc..considering he normally gets back..although recently hes done this before and it was nothing and i shouldve told him right then how much it bothers me but i didnt..(it was via txt and id rather do it in person) but when i see him.. i forget the bad for the most part and just enjoy his company.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): Hello, After reading your question I realized that it resembled my brother and his gf's situation. He's does love her and she loves him but sometimes one can't tell what's really going on. The thing is that my brother has A LOT of business work...he's a very "people" person. His gf would (in her own way) ask for more attention. I don't blame her but I realized it won't work...he has a busy life and she's only..just asking. There was one solution I could offer but I prefer to wait when one asks for help before sticking my nose in things. Maybe that solution can help you too. If you do like him a lot, you should talk to him about getting more involved in his life. It's no surprise if things are going good, its only natural to want thing to progress. If he can become a bigger part of your life and vice versa then maybe it can balance things a bit with his busy life. Talk to him about it and if he shows signs of discouragement explain to him your feelings in detail using short sentences. We all have busy lives and as we grow older, many of us encounter hardships and our careers can get in the way. But this is natural and at some point we have to learn to, as you said, balance things out. The reason for that ofc, is to keep the one we love. If he can't do this, I'm sure at some point you will leave him. Good Luck o to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (21 May 2010):
 A slightly different view here:
In your entire post, there is a lot of "I" but hardly any "we". Do you really give importance to your guy? Or are you with him because you don't have a better guy?
Please don't take it negatively. Just think about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (21 May 2010):
 You really need to let him know how you feel. Don't make him guess. Lay it out for him. I would chalk up most of his behavior to insecurity and a little immaturity. That does't mean he can't change. From everything you wrote, it seems like he is finally getting his life back together. You have been patient up to this point, so now its time to let him know how you feel.
I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.
Jeff
...............................
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (21 May 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionive asked if he wants me to date others or for us to stop dating and he says no..so i dont think thats the issue..so i guess.. maybe i should tell him that it bothers me we dont talk?.for right now im not goin to contact him seeing ive already contacted him recently..and i dont wanna be a pain.
...............................
A
female
reader, prodigal0x +, writes (21 May 2010):
no I definitely don't think you're being selfish, he's just neglecting you and your relationship. Fair enough if hes had a family member pass away recently, but he definitely should prioritize you over work. tell him how you feel?
...............................
|
