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Am I being selfish by keeping him in my life?

Tagged as: Friends, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 August 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 7 August 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *edstars14 writes:

I am 14 and me and my friend haven't really been great recently, I guess the most important thing to mention is he's also my ex-boyfriend. He lives more than an hour away and this is one of the reasons we broke up (about a year ago) but I insisted that we stay friends. And we both want more than friendship really but it's just not practical. But recently we had agreed to have sex this summer it would be both of our first times. But we didn't really talk about it properly like what we would become, contraception, what we would do if it went wrong. Anyway one saturday I was out with a load of friends and he sent me a text asking for a picture of me because his friend wanted to know what I look like. I replied telling him to go on my facebook page and he said and I quite "you're just trying to get me to get facebook we agreed I'd get it once I've done you." And it was like something snapped inside me, I was so mad. He made me feel so unimportant in that moment like an object or something. I didn't say anything to my friends as I hadn't told them what I was planning to do that summer. But that weekend I wrote him a really harsh letter telling him it was off and he was such a bad guy and everything. On monday I told my friends and copied the letter out on my phone it ended up being 14 sms long and I sent it to him.

He texed back later asking me if I was in a bad mood or if I was serious and it was off. I didn't reply. Two days later I lost my phone and haven't found it since. I got a new phone and asked his sister for his number I texed him telling him we needed to talk. He was really short with me and was mad, I asked him if he would stay mad at me forever he said he didn't know. A couple of days later I phoned him and we had a really long talk. He hates the world and is really bitter, he says that women only ever like him not love him because he was always nice before now. I'm worried that he means me, and that I'm making his life too hard. I can't stand to live without him but I'm pretty sure that I'm making his life really tough. Am I being selfish by keeping him in my life when maybe he would be better off without me.

View related questions: broke up, facebook, my ex, text

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A female reader, Redstars14 United Kingdom +, writes (7 August 2010):

Redstars14 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your imput but it's the summer holidays and I do also focus on a career and education but I think it's important to keep balance in my life. It doesn't properly answer my question but thank you for your help and opinion and I promise to think about what you've said.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010):

Don't focus on a boyfriend or a relationship as you are far too young. Instead, pay more attention to your schooling and starting a career. If you get involved in all this relationship stuff now, you will regret that you did later on in life. There is no need to rush, get to know yourself, get to know your likes and dislikes and make a list of deal breakers and what you would want in a decent guy when you are mature enough to start dating.

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