A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hallo EveryoneI have been in love for two years with the greatest guy of all. We are supposed to get married next year. Sounds great, doesn't it? Well... My Fiance is Greek and I am absolute Atheist!He wants me to become Greek Orthodox. I didn't think that it would be a problem, since I really don't care about what religion am I (neither does my family). But it got my thinking what will I have to go through ... he told me that our children will be named after his parents, they have to speek Greek (I am European and my family doesnt speek English or Greek, so I want my children to speek my language too!), he said I can't have my own maid of honor, cause she is not Greek ! I am freaking out here!Does anyone here know anything about these things? What do I have to do .. what to get ready for?Thank you all
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Dear poster, I agree with Collaroy. He got it so right. I think your problem has not so much to do with religion as with upbringing. His controlling nature doesn't come from his being Greek Orthodox, but from his way to be. It seems that he wants to follow all the traditions he was raised in, and he wants to marry like he would marry a traditional Greek girl, rather than a Greek Orthodox one. In case he didn't notice, he isn't marrying such a girl. And that's because he doesn't want to; he wants to marry you, so he needs to be flexible.
His traditional ways will continue after you're married. And that's because he is a traditional man, and he can't change overnight. I would follow Collaroy's advice: if you can be happy, that's fine; but think carefully whether you will feel comfortable there.
It might seem silly, but a film came to my mind: "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". The movie is obviously an exaggeration, but it's easy to see the point. No religion involved.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Nice answer Collaroy.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Hi there,
at least he is laying out all his cards on the table so I give him credit for that.
But aside from the traditions involved this just sounds so controlling. If you are having concerns about it now, they will multiply once you get married and have children.
What is wrong for me here, is its all about his values and none of it is about yours. That to me is uneven, but religion is such a powerful force and religious people are so sanctimonious when it comes to thinking their traditions and opinions are right and everyone else's is wrong.
If you are happy to have your children raised in this way then by all means have a happy married life, but if you are having doubts seriously consider if this is what you want for your future.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 April 2008):
Try to sit down and think of all of the ways that this will impact you and your future children. Make a big list of Pros and Cons. Then write a long list of possible problems. Sit down with your Fiance for an ENTIRE WEEKEND and go through all of the points that you want to raise and ask him every question that you can think of. You will need a lot of training to become Greek Orthodox. Between now and the day of your wedding, you should continue to ask yourself if this is what you want - because once you do marry - you have agreed to commit to this decision for yours and your children's lifetime. It's a big one and shouldn't be taken lightly. Good Luck Dear. Love is the most important thing, but you should enter into this marriage with your eyes wide open.
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