A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 19, in my first year of university, I moved into dorms in september 2011, and straight away i clicked with my flatmate, we became incredibly close over these months as we see each other everyday etc, recently she got a boyfriend at uni and it's like i dont exist anymore. She sleeps at his place about 5/7days a week.. She's there from Thursday night til Monday morning every single week, now my home is about 20 miles away from uni so it wouldnt take too long to go home if im bored, but thats not the uni lifestyle i want, ive realised i dont have many friends at uni because im not a very confident person so i cant just go and talk to people but i always try and be as sociable as possible but it doesnt really seem to work.I stay at uni on the weekends (most people go home) for her, she lives over 100miles away and she always told me she would be bored when i went home on the weekends, so i decided to stay for her but now she's always at her boyfriends so im the one thats bored.Her boyfriend and I dont get along, he barely speaks and he's not a very sociable person whatsoever so when i try to make conversation theres nothing to talk about as he would not respond.A couple of my flatmates have realised hes very controlling, they had a huge fight not long ago because she hugged a guy to say hello to him, he didnt like it and told her shes not allowed male friends and she was considering to end the relationship but she didnt.Whenever we go out he doesnt let her dance by herself or with her friends, he said he has to be with her at all times, and he wont allow her to come to the RnB room in the club because he feels that the 'urban' atmosphere is not good.She also lies to me about when shes with him to make it seem like she doesnt spend all her time with him. There have been times where I have seen him go into her room, and when i text her asking if she wants to hang out she'll lie and say shes in the library (but i havent mentioned this to her).We used to go food shopping every saturday together and out to eat on fridays.. now she goes with him and i go alone.Basically, we were extremely close and now it's like shes forgotten im there. But she comes running back as soon as he's busy, he had a football match one time and she kept ringing me asking me if I wanted to do something.What do i do/say?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): It seems, you and the BF have a couple things in common.
1) This Flatmate needs to feel needed and needs attention, so when BF isn't there, you are.
2) You both are jealous of her time and companionship and both see her as someone to HAVE.
So that she is like that in nature and you and the BF are needy as well- well, I feel for the three of you.
You need to get strong. Seek individual counselling to work on your self esteem and to get over your co-dependancy habits.
Then'll you realize you can be happy and keep busy without having to use another to fill in the emptiness you experience.
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