A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm attracted to a 19 year old guy... but I'm 22.While the age difference isn't that big, I feel like this is the time in your life where you are maturing fast and growing up. He just graduated high school last year while I've been out for 4 years and A LOT has changed in that 4 years for me, so I'm just wondering about him...Rumor has it females mature, mentally at least, a bit faster than males. I've always felt weird about the guy being the younger one... I guess I just thought the guy should be a little older than the female, but also the older both people were, the less it mattered.Personally, I always saw myself more likely to be with someone my age or 8 (give or take) years older than me. But after this guy, who knows. I do like him quite a lot and chances are the age difference isn't going to be a big deal but,What do you think? Does this age difference at this point in our lives matter? What age differences do YOU think is ok and not ok? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2013): As long as you are both consenting legal adults, I don't think it's anyone's business and it only matters if you are okay with the age difference.
He is 19 and just graduated high school, so depending on the level of maturity he has, it really shouldn't matter.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I think it's fine if you two enjoy each others company and want to be together.
Yes in general women mature faster than men but it's not always the case.
I think 19 and 22 is fine; whereas 17 and 20 would not be.
And as we age it becomes less and less important.
for example when my husband turned 19 I was 32.... and never would have dated him. meeting him at age 37 made all the difference in our lives together.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I know we’re talking about a small difference of 4 years, but here’s a quick note of my uncanny experience. I once went out with a lovely man who was 17 years older than me… he had maturity, wisdom and skill to his credit, but things changed and so be it we parted amicably after 3 years. So after being single for awhile, I started daydreaming and decided to ask the Cosmos to send me another lovely man who was to be around my own age (by 5 years) good looking and a bit taller than the last guy. Well you wouldn’t believe it! There he was, tall, younger and more handsome than the last one with my tongue rolling out further than Gene Simmons onto the ground! Yet later I discovered I had to carry the smarts and maturity! WHY? Because I forgot to ask for the brains! HA! :)Now be it that both my guys where of decent character and one was much older, more wise and astute than the other. The later soon learned the smarts to catch up… Yet it was by us being on the same track and having a similar direction, moral values, work ethics, healthy family relations and goals etc. that bound us together to take this further... So whilst in your case 4 years can appear slightly inconsequential he would have some areas to develop to catch up to you in terms of experience and smarts. However life’s about learning along the way and if he’s made of the good stuff and learns quickly then you’ve got nothing to loose by dating him. If red flags appear; just listen to your instincts and move on.Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 "Rumor has it females mature, mentally at least, a bit faster than males."
It's not rumour, it's fact. There are exceptions to any rule, but yes. Girls mature faster than boys. However, after 25, everyone are fully matures (except for a few exceptions). So, after 25, you'll see less of a difference in thought pattern and maturity.
Doesn't mean you can't find idiots older than 25, but after that age they know themselves they are idiots and don't have any excuse any longer. Before 25 you can excuse them for not being fully developed.
It was actually my driving teaching who made me especially aware of this, as he was strongly arguing for men not being able to drive until they were 23-25, wheres women should be able to drive from 18 years old (in Norway you need to be 18 to drive). This is because he looked at the statistics, and reckless drivers who end up dead in an accident are, in great majority, males between 18-25.
But that was a side point. Should you go out with this 19-year old? I think in order to determine this you need to get to know him a bit, and then keep an eye out for give-away signs. For example: how does he distribute his time? Does his mom always needs to nag on him for homework, or does he take responsibility for his own education? How does he respond when he does not get his way? Does he do things he doesn't enjoy, but feels a responsibility to do? Such as attending boring events, or visits an old boring relative out of respect and politeness? You know, like an adult always has to do things they don't like.. does he? Or does he do like a child: complain if he has to do something that bores him? For example, do things always need to be his way, and then if you suggest something he complains unless it's something he himself wanted?
Then look to how he treats his family and friends. Does he get cross with them often? And for what reasons? At 23-24 I was in a relationship with a 20-21 year old. Got to know him when he was 19, got together shortly after his 20th birthday. I at first thought he was mature, but I overlooked the signs, excusing them as being one-off events. But they weren't. They rarely if ever are... The way a person acts and behaves is rarely a one-off event, unless there was something extremely drastic going on. My then boyfriend would act very childish, and then say he was just undergoing a lot of stress. But apparently, he was ALWAYS stressed. So unless something extraordinary (such as a death in the family) has happened, stress is no excuse for bad behaviour.
So keep a look-out for the signs, and don't excuse him if he acts immature. Just move on to someone who is older, because at that age, and with you probably being more mature, you'll just feel like a baby-sitter or worse: you'll feel like his mom.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 June 2013):
 If you feel there is nothing wrong with dating for fun, then moving on to a more suitable partner when you are ready for a family, then go for it. Some people don't see a point in dating someone knowing that it will end some day. When you are approaching 30 and wanting a baby, he is still trying to make more money. You will want to settle down much faster than he does, unless he a precocious entrepreneur and is great with money.
Dating is also fun and it enriches your life. The end point doesn't always have to be marriage and kids. If you don't take break ups too personally, and can move on to a brighter future, then there is no harm in dating him. The age difference is not too big.
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A
female
reader, That Girl 9.9 +, writes (16 June 2013):
 I think if both people are over 18, any age difference is alright as long as they're both attracted to eachother and mentally mature. Now if, say, the guy was 18 or over and the girl was younger or vice versa, there would have to be some careful evaluatuion of the maturity on both sides.
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