A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I split up with my ex 7 months ago and we said we'd still be friends. We have stayed in contact and met up twice. It's been nice and not awkward. We both haven't spoken about the relationship since. But he left the door open 'lets remain friends and see what happens' My question now is I really want to ask him if we can try again and that I can't stop thinking about him. I love him and want to try again. Is this a good idea?My other question is that he is starting a new job soon, and I have bought him a good luck present: batman cuff links engraved with his initials. He is a huge batman fan! Is this an appropriate present to give, especially if I want to discuss what I want to discuss?? Any help would be appreciated.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 The thing is, he knows probably from how you act that you want to be together as more than friends.
"we can be friends" as my mother used to say is "the kiss of death" it means, I like you as a person but do not want to have a serious romantic relationship with you.
if you say you want to get back with him and he says no will you continue to accept friendship and dribs and drabs of him in your life? won't that bee too painful? It would for me.
I think giving him the gift is lovely... a wish you well bon voyage sort of thing.... because when you approach him with "I want to try again" and he says no or FWB or "just friends" the pain will be too great and you will know that your hopes for happily ever after with him are dashed forever and you need to leave....
so bottom line:
meet him, ask him if he wants to try again... regardless of his answer, give him the gift, then if he has said NO, tell him you do not think you can bear to be just friends with him anymore give him a lovely kiss on the cheek and a heartfelt goodbye and walk away. Do not be upset if you cry... it's a painful thing to realize you have to end a relationship.
then do not contact him... when he contacts you as a friend you can reiterate that it's too painful for you to be friends with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): I think you should say something to him if you want to get back together. It sounds like there is at least a possibility he would be open to it. I would hold onto the present for now, if the conversation goes well and he's excited about the idea of dating again (enough so that you don't think the present would frighten him into thinking things got too serious too quick) then I would give it to him. I gave a really thoughtful gift to an ex once for his birthday and then he broke up with me immediately afterwards and the fact that I gave him that gift made me feel even more awful about the whole thing. If you can give him the gift and not feel awful about it even if he says no to getting back together then I guess you're okay to give it to him, I just know I couldn't do that :)
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 When a guy says: "let's be friends" it means that he's trying to be nice about getting you out of his life. You hurt him and he's trying to move on, and you keep re-opening the wound. Just leave it be. Even a peace present isn't going to fix things...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Your idea has its merits. Since you can't stop thinking about him, .. at some point you'll end up doing it anyway :), might as well spare yourself the doubts and anxiety and what ifs,and do it now. Also , you may feel better regardless of the results, because at least you'll have tried , i.e. will have taken the situation into your hands and tried to transform it, rather than just feeling a passive and helpless victim of circumtances.
BUT, it's a good idea only IF you can handle a possible rejection, and if a possible rejection would not fill you with heartbreak and resentment, setting you back in your road to recovery , rather than helping you move on.
Because you have to keep in mind that " let's be friends and see what happens " may be the real plan- or also , one of those polite , soothing, conciliatory banalities that people say to let you down easy, spare your feelings and give you a little peace of mind. It's great if you two have managed to stay friends, and to meet up without awkwardness, then again you have to consider that if he had changed his mind he has had 7 months to tell you but he did not, that meeting twice in 7 months would show that , even at the level of " just friends "... he is doing fine also with minimal contact- and anyway that he may have decided you work best as friends than as lovers.
In other words , I would not pin all my hopes on that vague statement of his. Then again, there's no law that says you can't ask for a second chance, and if you can't reconcile your differences ( why did you split
up, btw ? the reason might be relevant to guess your odds ) - at least hopefully you'll have closure.
AS for the gift, sure, why not. Regardless of your status as EX partners , he is anyway a person you care about and to whom you sincerely want to show support and wish good luck, so, if that's all what the gift means, ( no strings attached, no attempts to " buy " his benevolence ) , is a nice, appropriate thought.
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