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After everything that's happened we want to be together again but I don't know if I can trust her

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 July 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2012)
A male India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Plzz help me i am in a very difficult situation.I was in a relationship for 6 yrs and i used to love her alot.I done everything for her everything.Both of our parent was ready.And i was very possesive for her.Everything was going great but before 6 months i jst dnt knw what was happened to her and she broked up with me.I was begging her for not to leave me and i was also begging her parents but nothing work and she broked up with me.I was almost die with my broken heart but somehow i was able to control myself then after 2 months since our break up when i was very angry with her for what she did to me even when i did everything for her and i can't control my anger and slap her on her face and then her parents call the police to arrest me but somehow she takes her complaint back and then i was fired up to take my revenge since that incident and i was searching for my oppurtunity but after 4 month s since that incident she calls me and she said i am sry and i wanna come back to u and i accept her just to take my revenge but after talking her 2 days i am in love with her again i thought that i am doing wrong and then i tell her all the truth and still she was ready to be with me and i accept her on one condition that our parents shouldn't knw about our patch up for approximately one yr and she said ok. But knw i cant be able to trust her cuz i was thinking that she leaves me ago for another guy and i asked her and she said no but i dont believe her and she also cant be able to trust me,she thinks i am with her jst to broke her heart and take my revenge so what should i have to do.its true that i want my revenge from her parent cuz what they did to me was wrong but its also true that i am in love with her again and i want relationship continue with her.can you help me plzzzzzz?

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A male reader, grymsoul United States +, writes (20 August 2012):

grymsoul agony aunt"I got her off my drugs (or so I thought)," This typo is very embarassing and laughable. I meant "I got her off OF drugs." I should reread my posts before I press enter.

Anyway OP, you should never resort to physical confrontation with your partner. It is a very low point to descend to. You should have just sat her down and talked it out. I hope you remember this in future relationship issues.

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A male reader, grymsoul United States +, writes (20 August 2012):

grymsoul agony auntWrong, OP. There is nothing you can say that can justify your behavior. You became physically abusive towards her.

THAT is a THOUSAND times worse that what she did to you.

And yes, I too have been with someone for a long period of time. I met my first girlfriend in middle school. We dated all the way into our adult lives. In total, we have been together for 7 years. One year longer than your relationship. Do you know what ended it all? She cheated on me with a druggie down the street. Oh, did I mention we were engaged the year that she cheated? She lied to me about it too until I found out through a mutual friend of ours.

So yes, I know how it feels to be betrayed and I know how it is to have your whole world come crashing down. Even her parents backed me up on this one. They knew she was wrong for what she did. I did everything for her. I bought her her favorite car, I got her off my drugs (or so I thought), I helped her with school and busted my ass working overtime to afford that ring. Yea, I put my whole being into being with her.

And I would be lying if I said, the day that the whole truth came crashing into me that I didn't want to physically hurt her. But you know what? I never crossed that line. YOU DID. That's what separated our situations. You chose to put your hands on her. And what's worse is that you still think that she did something far worse than you ever did. In my opinion you are still not worthy of being with someone if this is how you conduct yourself. She would be a smart girl to leave you behind for good.

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A male reader, Abhishek taneja India +, writes (26 July 2012):

Ok i accept what i done was wrong i feel guilty but what she done to me was 10 times wrong then what i did. Tell me if u love somebody for 6 yrs more than your entire life and entire family.u do everything for her.i can't be able to tell u dude that what i was done for her.and if u are in my shoes then u don't feel bad?i am really sry for what i done.i am going to taken control on my anger from rght now.plzzz suggest me do i really have to give her a 2nd chance and yeah i want to tell u that she is also sry for what she done to me.plzzzz help me out?

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A male reader, grymsoul United States +, writes (24 July 2012):

grymsoul agony auntYou think the parents were wrong for calling the police on you because you hit thier daughter? From that statement alone, I can tell you have no remorse for striking her. You have no bussiness being with a woman if you display your anger in such a manner. The only thing I see that needs fixing here is you.

Get some counseling for your anger. Stay out of reltionships if you can't act like an adult. Leave the parents alone. They were only keeping their duaghter safe from you. If I were in the same shoes as they were, you would have gotten a lot worse than the cops taking you away.

Please. Get. Help.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (23 July 2012):

Aunty BimBim agony auntYou are asking if you can trust her but my question is can she trust you? Why is this girl getting back with you after you hit her and her parents had to call the police?

And then you plotted revenge against her? And you are still plotting revenge against her parents because they called the police when you hit her?

You are dangerous. You should not be anywhere near this girl. I hope she wakes up to what you are like before it is too late for her to back out.

Seek help for your violence and thoughts of revenge, these are not the actions of a decent person.

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