| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I just had a terrible fight with words with my sister who is a year younger than me. It was over something that I didn't deal with because I kept making excuses for her or I couldn't confront her as there was always other people around. My sister has always been insecure when it comes to how our mother feels about her,which I feel makes her envious if others get attention. I also have 1 brother and another sister whom I get on with very well.Unfortunately my sister's husband is violent and has also been violent with the rest of the family. One time there was a bithday and he wanted to fight my brother because he was the only man and gay.He has always had a temper, which has caused the family to become anxious around birthdays and xmas.My sister however doesn't think that he is violent and is in denial but when ever my mother tried to talk to her about it she would become angry so mum just felt hopeless. He has dragged her around the house by her hair and thrown her onto a glass table in the past.Recently I became a grandmother for the 1st time and I was so happy along with the rest of the family except for my sister who was making horrible comments like, "Fxxing baby I'm sick of hearing about it." And when she found out it was going to be a boy she said that we don't need anymore boys in the family.And there were other comments that I feel I can't even write about.Everytime I heard her saying this I ignored it. But it really got to me and I was having trouble sleeping,so I called her and asked why she felt this way about a tiny baby,which really hurts. Being my sister you would think that she would be happy for me.When I confronted her she just said that I was being selfish and was ruining her holiday.Then she didn't stop screaming, I let her say what she wanted to say but then she wouldn't let me speak and kept screaming. She certainly didn't deny her feelings but from what she said I could see that she had suppressed anger from our childhood.Although I tried to talk to her, it was impossible to get past her screaming so I hung up on her. Within 1/2 hour her husband called me and was calling me names like Bludger and parasite. She called me again and I told her what her husband said and she seemed upset about it. She seemed as though she was a little calmer this time but it got heated again and I had to hang up again.My relationship with my sister has been a difficult one over the years. When we were children she often made fun of me. I have a scar on my face from having my Tonsils out so she would dance around me calling me scar face. I used to make excuses then because she did seem to be left out. I remember having no friends in high school.One day a couple of her friends came up to me and asked if I would like to join them during lunchtime and when my sister saw me with them she said,"Fxxx off bitch!" My heart broke and often I had never asserted myself until now.I think it was the last straw and I felt protective towards my grandchild.My sister called my mother and blamed her for what happened. I have decided that I no longer want them in my life as my sister also admitted to physically abusing my son when he was a baby. And really they haven't been part of my life for some time now as she has distanced herself from everyone.Although I feel very sad it's also a relief for me as well. My question is why does this happen to people in families? I feel that this has stemmed from carrying so much anger and I felt like I was talking to her as a child because she sounded the same way when we were kids. And I know this is a cry for help from her but when do you draw the line? She is obviously being affected by her husbands outbursts but there is nothing I or anyone can do.I still feel sorry for her even though I know in my heart I can forgive her but I can't allow her to be a part of my life.Is this being unkind?
View related questions:
grandmother, insecure, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, vivi +, writes (6 January 2006):
Yes there is something you can do. call her over make her sit down and if you have to tie her ass to the chair and tape her mouth shut if thats what it takes to get a word in, then do it. As far as her husband goes he's lucky he's not part of my family and thats not my sister because i would have killed him for hitting my sister. Your sister needs help. Why dont you go with her and get her some.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2006): sound's like she needs counseling and maybe you do to just to deal with things.It's such a tough subject because it's family I think your doing the right things by distancing yourself from her. If she does come around and trys to talk I would be nice but as soon as she starts saying things about the baby or what ever I would speak up and call her on it don't let that go that why she thinks she can say that stuff cause no one puts her in her place.If she is in an abusive relationship she's probaly in denial right now hopefully she will want to get out on her own but she needs to really want that.I know this hurts but it sounds like she has some issues she needs to work out as far as her husband I would give him a second glance and maybe they should be excluded from family events if she can't hold her tongue and he can't restrain from getting violent. Good luck I know it's tough but maybe some day she'll come around.
...............................
|
