A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:After 30 years of marriage my husband confessed to a one night stand (20 years ago). His behavior during the first 20 years of marriage was selfish (did what he wanted all the time) without regard to me and our children. His actions in those years made me think he was having affairs, and my gut tells me it was more than one time. Problem is he has changed so much in the last seven years. He is not the man I married. We are grandparents and we do not live the same lives anymore. I need help in coping with this and tring to move on with my life? Any help will be appreciated. Thank You
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): I will make one suggestion. For all the years you lost in your husband putting himself first and you being left to look after the children..... start right now by doing something just for you. Something you've always wanted to - a wild idea, a new hobby and holiday on your own or with friends it can be whatever. The more you do this the more you will feel strong and that the future has possibilities. The past will not blight you so much. You might get comments and resistance from family and friends but who cares? Start changing your life for you - not for others!!!!!!!
A
male
reader, quarky  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 OK, I'm no expert and still have a lot to learn but two things stike me:
1. 20 years ago is a long time and the fact taht e's still with you - does that say sonething (although absolutely no excuse!) at least?
2. You say you don't live the same lives. Why? I mean is there anything you/he can change?
It comes back to communication. After 30 years, a lot of people would take it for granted but it's not that easy...maybe it's time to talk properly again?
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A
male
reader, freekeswar  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 My experience I am telling you, you can never change others? You should not try to change him, because it never works. I think you should start focusing on things like meditation and spirituality. If you start doing them, it will give more meaning for your life and you can be really happy.
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