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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: hi can anyone help me with this question please try. my husband left me 4 months ago. he is 40 after 21 years of marrige im just about over this still get down at times. this is first christmas apart. but he has now movied in with a 20 year old girl. people we know keep telling me it wont last but i dont know. he tells me he is in love with her our kids cant stand him for what he is doing. our kids age 12 to 21. im 38 and still love him in a way. but not like i used to. the question im asking is are all our friends right will it not last with them? is it a mid life cris like thay are all saying. thay keep telling me to give it a year and i'll see. he'll be crawling back begging for me to take him and forgive him. do you think this will happen? they have bets on this and are waiting to see. how many men do this and how many last and how many try to get back with there wives?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2006): Not that this is going to help you much, but usually the men who up and leave a family for a girl half their age are at their core narcissistic, meaning that they are in love wtih only themselves....his new woman may send him packing when she no longer measures up to his sexual fantasy when reality sinks in and he realizes she is human after all....my question would be, then do you want to forgive him, and what does he do for you to make it all worth it?
A
female
reader, Nella +, writes (19 December 2006):
It sounds like you have some really great friends who are doing their best to comfort and reassure you in this difficult time. But I guess no-one can say for sure whether your husband will either come to his senses after a mid life crisis (if this is what has happened) or has really found love and a long term future with this girl. It sounds really rough on you and your children and I guess you are all really hurting. I think the important thing is to not put your life on hold with the hope that he will return, but to concentrate on yourself, your children, getting over this painful split and finding happiness and self fulfilment from other sources. Then, if he did happen to come crawling back, you will be in a position to decide how you feel and whether you feel you actually want him back in your life. Or if he doesn't come back (or you decide you no longer want him) you will have found a new life for yourself. Give yourself some time.
And do make sure you've got lots of caring people around you over Xmas. With regard to your question at the end - I guess it varies and depends on the guy and what he wants from life (and whether the wives choose to have them back).
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