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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend of eight years on and off just asked me to marry him in january 2010. i'm so in love with the thought of being in love and we have 2 children together, but all together i have five. he has done some things in the past to me, matter of fact alot such as cheat constantly on me, deny me in front of another woman, leave for days without contact or just plain left to start other relationships. this was years ago. we recently got back together this year in feb. and he has really made some changes and i see them. he does more for his kids which in the past he did nothing at all and we started spending alot of time. the only problems i have with him now is that i don't trust him because of the past and the frequency of it. i pray about it because i really love this man and so does the kids but he still has alot of kid in him such as throwing temper tantrums,and sometimes not answering his phone when it rings. these are things that highly sensitize me into thoughts that he is still up to his old self. did i say that he is 36 years old? i've tried to just date other guys but to me there is always something wrong with them that turns me off. i don't know what it is. i try to just walk away from him but he begs me to stay and when it gets to that point, my love for him keeps bringing me back. i ask myself all the time how can i be with someone that can't show me the same love that i show him. he tells me to work with him and trust him but i just can't. because i am a heavy thinker, when he says something i think about the logics in it and things don't make sense. we don't live together because of my choice right now. i feel if we did i would have to kick him out if i was to ever find out something. i really want to marry him but i'm scared to do so. ya see everytime that he's cheated in the past he has never told me so. things would happen and i would stumble across something. but this time i feel the need to find out on my own before i say i do. he has his cell phone and car registration in a girl's name and this is one of the girls he cheated on me with in the past. thing is that he says he's getting everything put into his name, he's no longer with her . it was just an arrangement that had after the split to keep things going for him until he gets them in his own name. he did'nt have license at the time. he says he scared i will leave him and he won't open up to me and let me love him. he won't let me do anything for him and if i try to talk to him about how i'm feeling, he always get mad and we get into an argument. he never wants to listen to me. i really don't understand what he wants. he begs me to love him but then won't let me. what do you do when you love someone so much and you just really want to show them but they are afraid so they cheat, lie and push you away then to turn around and beg you to stay. this is making me crazy and it's to the point i want to take my kids and run. ya see when we get into arguments he disappears for days without even checking on the kids at all. he then pops up later to beg the hell out of me to forgive his selfihness because of his feelings. i am afraid that he will always leave me, even for somebody else. he begs me to marry him but i should be the one afraid. i know that i just wrote alot because this is how my brain is constantly thinking. i just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Sounds like we are with the same man. Except, I don't have kids with mine. Even down to him not having license and having his cars in another womans name. He has multiple cell phones. He lives with me, but tells his other girls that he lives with his mama. I call his other females from his phn, bc 1 of them is n my name. Those girls are ghetto and make no sense. Pure trash. But he tells them the same things he tells me. When I put him out, he will stalk me. Sleep in his car infront of my house. Have his friends and family call me. He comes to my job begging and crying for me to allow him back. He promises high and never delivers. Just like u said. He disappears for days. U do not know if he is a dead, alive, in jail, or with his other lady. We are engaged, but I keep moving the date, bc of trust issues. Unfortunately I have to stay, bc I am busy. I have a small business, I work full time as well, and a full time student, but with the economy I still stay broke. He doesn't help with the bills, and I have a 4 yr old son. He picks him up from school for me and some times takes him. I can't afford additional child care at this time. I already spend an arm and a leg on my son's school. I just know he has 3 yrs to prove to me that he is real this time. Which is when I finish school, and then I'm out.
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