A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I was wondering if someone could share their experience dating with kids. My boyfriend has two children, 14 and 9 and I have none. I have never been a kid person and never really wanted any of my own. The 14 year old boy is ok because he is very calm and mellow but his daughter is extremely loud and aggressive and I feel like someone is hitting me over the head every time she speaks (shouts). We've been together for two months and he was up front about the fact that he has kids from the very beginning. I let him know that I don't have any experience with kids and feel awkward around them and he said that I will get used to them. He seems like a great father and he really likes me and wants me to be involved with his family. He has custody every other week and wants to do things like have dinner with them and invite them to my house for sleepovers but I am uncomfortable with that. I like him a lot but I'm not sure how I feel about his kids (or kids in general). I'm hoping that maybe the more time I get to spend with them, the more I will grow to love them but I don;t know. Anyone have any advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 October 2014):
I think this needs way more time before you decide to involve this kids into your life. I agree that kids are easy to get used to, but he should not force this into your life. Give it a few more months if dating is working out, and bit by bit you may be able to see the kids in a different light.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 October 2014):
Yes, this relationship is not for you. If you've never liked kids and don't want any, you should find someone like minded. Your feelings aren't going to get better, and your discomfort will show to the kids and that isn't fair to them. If they're going to have a stepmother, they deserve one who is able to love them.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 October 2014):
 He had you meet his kids after you've dated for only two months??? YIKES! I wouldn't have recommended anything like that at all...it takes a lot of time and sensitivity to introduce someone new into a kid's life, and that's true even if the someone new loves kids!
It's really too early to talk sleepovers at YOUR house (OMG! doesn't he have a house of his own?), and it's understandable that you haven't yet bonded with them! It takes time...like a year's worth at least...to get to know people. It's also for the kids' own good to take plenty of time and take things slowly with them. They have a mom, and emotional well-being is paramount.
You also don't really know much about your boyfriend at 2 months, so you may want to slow things down in that area as well. You don't know the relationship between them and their mom, and him and his ex, so take your time even if he's moving things fast!
As for kids in general, I never wanted kids at all until I had my son, who is now 14. I love them now, which shocked everyone who knew me prior to having one. Kids are little people. You may bond, you may not. You do not have to be their replacement mom. Just be good to them, and get to know them like you would anyone else. Be sensitive, because they may be hurt from their dad splitting from their mom. But you may find that they bring out good things in you and you in them. The key is time and trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): I dated someone with kids not that long ago, but I also had experience with children as I used to work with them, but similar to you, I never wanted children of my own.
I found the best way to get used to the children was to do things with them, take charge. He can't just invite his kids to your house for sleepovers, why can't they sleep at his and you sleep there? Try doing things during the day with them, take them out individually and get used to them. As for the little girl shouting, try to make her understand that shouting won't get her anywhere, tell her to keep her voice down in the house and when she shouts, ignore her, then when she talks nicely, speak back. But you have to explain why you're doing it before you do it otherwise she won't learn.
Maybe even talk to him about this. Kids are a huge deal, this isn't just an annoying habit that you can learn to live with, children take love and responsibility. Explain how you feel.
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