A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a complicated problem that I need some help with. me and girl #1 dated when I was in college and she broke my heart and ended up having a child. after this, I fell in love with girl #2,we dated for a year and a half and she broke my heart as well because we were too far apart.after this I vowed never to give my heart again. after a couple years, girl #1 and I started dating and she treated me great. then girl #2 started to call and I couldn't help but tell her I missed her and loved her. I started lying to both because I didn't know what to do. they both found out and they both hate me. now I realize that I truly want and love girl #1 and her kid but I broke her trust and she doesn't want anything to do with me. I sent flowers, wrote out a long apology and listed the bad things I did and everything else in the book. what can I do to get her back?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 January 2008):
 Well when with #1, you should have told #2, I miss you, but I have someone and am happy. If you read enough of the questions that get posted on here, you'll find out how many times being dishonest can really come back and haunt someone. I know juggling two women generally does not have a happy ending. You'll just have to hope that at some point she forgives you. Stop sending flowers and writing apologies. That doesn't make up for dishonest behavior. If done too often, you'll only push her further away than she all ready is. Here's what I'd do in this situation.
"I'm sorry for hurting you. I don't blame you for not wanting anything to do with me. I know it's not an excuse, but I was confused about what I wanted. If I could go back, there's much I would change. All I can do now is tell you that I love you, and hope that someday I have a chance to show you how much."
You need to remember when you mess up, it's not about the mess up that counts, it's about her, how much you hurt her, what you can give to her. The pain had all ready been caused, so in asking forgiveness, address her feelings and not what you did.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Everyone deserves a second chance.
There really isn't much you can do now except ask for her forgiveness and try to explain to her why you did what you did and try to make amends.
Too many people choose to just move on without ever doing the right thing by those they hurt.
If you are hurt, you forgive. If you hurt someone, you apologise and seek forgiveness from those you have made suffer.
If this woman share even the slightest shred of love for you, and has even a minute amount of humility in her, then forgiveness is the only way.
Lesser men and women have gotten past infidelity without just letting their anger overrule them.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): You did the cardinal sin in trying to juggle two, and you got burned. You should of learned a lesson from it. If she doesnt want to see you then you cannot blame her, what was she supposed to do? Go along with what you were doing. Who want to be two timed and thought of as second best? No one. she might come round in time, try sending her some flowers but personally i wouldnt give you the time of day. You did this to yourself, you reap what you sow, sorry.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 well hun you have to be prepared to face the fact that it may not happen, you breached the trust that you had, and that is an important element of a healthy relationship. give her some time to ease the anger and then go visit her and apologise, telling her you love and respect her and her child, and that wat you did was wrong and you never want to hurt her again. tell her that you were confused at the time and you shouldnt have done it, but that you would love nothing more than to be given a second chance to start fresh. maybe suggest even just taking her out on a date at first and seeing where it goes. you need to understand that she is really hurting and may be scared of getting hurt again, so taking things slow is something she will need. i do hope everything works out for you as i think it was an honest mistake and you do really love her. email me if you wanna talk more about this, good luck!!
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