A
female
age
51-59,
*B2922
writes:Okay, I'm embarrassed to even be posting this. It's sad that middle age people have to even indulge in the following behavior. Let me explain:I have a friend who we will call Sue. Sue and I have been friends for over 2 years. We met online and have still never met in person, however, our friendship grew and we became very close. Well, about a year ago Sue got upset over a "friend" I was keeping at another website. Sue threw out an ultimatum for me to ditch this person or she would go. Childish, yes? Unfortunately, I was the childish one and relented to the ultimatum. It is something I have felt horrible about since and have also kept some resentment about.Fast forward to a week ago. I mentioned to Sue that I was thinking about reconnecting with a recent ex who had really put me through the wringer from December through the end of January. (The bottom line is, I miss my ex and I do believe we can work things out.) Sue flatly put out there that if I talk to this ex, she will have nothing more to do with me. Honestly, I thought Sue was kidding (her voice was not angry/etc). I had told Sue that I had no plans, should I get back in touch with this ex, to come to her (Sue) with any issues that may arise because she had been there for me through all the crap and I felt, personally, that it would be wrong of me to expect Sue to be there again for me for this particular thing. Sue is absolutely serious about this ultimatum. I am livid. I believe if someone is truly a friend they will stick by you. They do NOT have to agree with everything you do, and vice versa, that is human, but for her to offer up another ultimatum, I feel, crosses waaaaaaaay over the line. My gut tells me to just let this go. I will never be able to trust her the same again and history says it's only a matter of time before yet another ultimatum is levied. Thoughts? Advice? Comments? All are welcome.Thank you so much for your time you have taken to read/respond.
View related questions:
met online, miss my ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CB2922 +, writes (22 February 2011):
CB2922 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much everyone...I do agree. The fact that this has been the second time really does say a lot. I think it says I need to bot be so forgiving and boot folks away the first time they pull this crap lol.Again, I appreciate all of your responses....and to those wishing me well with the ex, IDK if that will even happen, it was just a thought...a time of missing her, which makes this whole thing even that much more ridiculous.Peace and many thanks to you all
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (22 February 2011):
Your friend sounds like a control freak. No real friend would impose such ultimatums on you. Sue is trying to tell you who she really is. I would listen to her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): I think you don't have a true friendship with Sue since you've never met in person and her ultimatums are ridiculous. So just end the communication with her or let it phase out slowly. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): You've never even met this "Sue" in person and she could be anybody. To be honest she sounds mentally unstable and being given ultimatums from somebody you've never even met is ludicrous.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 February 2011):
 I'm with the others. Anyone who imposes such an ultimatum is no true friend. Not that I'd advise getting back with an ex either, but that's a different issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Screw ultimatums and screw her. That's a load of crap.
It's true that she doesn't have to live with everything you do and when you go off on your fool's errand with the ex that "put you through the wringer" she should definitely distance herself from you but not give you up completely, that's just stupid.
She's not a good friend she's controlling, possessive and a bit weird if you ask me. I mean I have friends that have done the same thing you're planning with your ex and I didn't make an ultimatum, they're my friends and they can live life how they choose. Was I going to stick around and watch them put themselves through hell, knowingly and willingly put themselves in a situation where they were going to get hurt? No I walk away from that and come back once they've gotten that need out of their system, once they've tried and failed then I'm around for them. You see it's fair for her to give you ultimatums no proper friend does that, would it be fair for you to expect her to be there for you while you go off and get destroyed by your ex? No, not in my opinion. You see when we watch our friends destroy themselves like that on purpose then it hurts us too, so it's better that we take a step back and let them get on with it, it's better to let people learn those things on their own and help them pick up the pieces afterwards.
Get rid of her, you're not her possession what kind of friend uses emotional blackmail like that anyway? ridiculous.
Good luck with your ex, you didn't ask for advice on that situation but I think you can guess my opinion of it. Please don't take that personally I really do hope that works out well for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Face facts - Sue has major mental problems to seriously say she will cut contact with you over someone else. I know that I'd not listen to that ultimatum and find better friends (perhaps not ones on the internet! - they are known to be unstable). Be friends with who you like, and don't let yourself be blackmailed.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Your friend sound very manipulative. I would have nothing more to do with her. Friendship is not about trying to exclude other people. I find her behaviour weird and I think you should just break off contact. She is no friend.
...............................
A
female
reader, lostinyou  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 I think Sue is a control freak with issues from the past or present, that deal with her having no control over matters/things going on around her.
...............................
|
